A Trial by Halves

Uncertainty

There are many moments in a mans life when he can honestly look back and smile in satisfaction and pride at what he has achieved with little or no effort at all.

 Wealth, privilege, status, good looks...... these were things that he had acquired without having to do a single thing for, not when he was born with all of it.  He may have struggled to find his place among others like himself, but the privilege of status meant he never really had to work at it, not when his titles saw him bow to so few and answer to even less.

But some are small achievements, in that men the world over were acquiring the same satisfaction as him even though he had to work a little harder to gain them.    To win a womans affections and then her love is one such accomplishment and not one to be taken lightly but easy enough to win with a little effort.

But to win her love, only to lose it through death and then fight fate to return in order to snatch her back again, is as monumental as it gets.  He didn't think anyone else had managed to gain such a foothold over Heaven itself, not when he was merely an hour into ressurrecting and she was back in his arms along with their son which was also a blessed achievement that he could be very proud of.

Yet despite all that, he couldn't help but feel the distance.  Her arms may have been around his neck, and her face snuggled into that place on his shoulder that had only ever been hers, but he felt as if he hardly knew her.  Even her movements felt a little stilted and uncertain.  One hand was lightly yet tentatively stroking his hair while the other lay unmoving in her lap,  so for him, the embrace felt unnatural.  But he did revel in it regardless because he knew it would take time for their love to find its natural rhythm again.  

But still, he wanted so much to feel the same exhilierating closeness he had always felt when she was near.  He wanted to see the shy blushes, the crescent moon eyes that always rose up in laughter rather than these tear filled ones, the gentle yet confident way she would wrap herself around him without any thought at all, and most of all, he wanted to kiss her, to run his tongue down the vein of her neck in order to feel the life pulsing off it, a life that he had given his own up for.

Instead he remained locked in that awkward embrace feeling happy to be back, but a little lost while she seemed to be just as lost as he was even though both of them wanted so much for this reunion to feel as if he had only been away for a few months.  He knew it would take a little time for this awkwardness to pass, and he knew he shouldn't place too many expectations on what was a life time of loss, so he did try to relax into it, if only for Er Lis sake who thankfully seemed to be oblivious to the emotional state he was in..

And all too soon, she was pulling away from his arms as was Er Li at the sound of raised voices in the corridors.  The bell was still tolling in his return which was no longer muffled but whatever had the Disciples on the run, all he wanted to do was look at her a while longer.  Only Heaven itself decided that it would now have to wait as those footsteps drew closer until eventually Die Feng was rushing into the cave only to come to a complete standstill as Ye Hua came into view.

"Crown Prince....." His soft voice suddenly hitched with emotion as his hands rose to bow in reverence and awe.

"Die Feng.... " Ye Hua replied in a hoarse voice after a few seconds of having to remember the mans name, which slwoly came back to him along with the friednship they had made.  It had not been an overly strong one, but a friend all the same.

"Please forgive my sudden intrusion." he bowed again and this time at Bai Qian who was rising to her feet at the anxiousness in his eyes while Ye Hua remained where he was holding on to Er Li and loathe to let him go.

"What's happening Senior?" she asked moving towards him.

Noticing the tears still streaming down her face and the pinched look, he thought it best to act as if nothing at all was remiss, but the sounds from outside were clearly heard from inside, so in the end he didn't bother, not when she was also moving towards the door to see for herself.