MGK + ME

Me

Warning: this chapter contains depression, self harm, and self medicating. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

After two weeks of hanging out together, declaring our love for each other, and just being around each other He tells me that he has to go on a three month tour. He says it'll be okay. That he'll call and FaceTime me all the time. But now one month in his calls and texts sent enough to get me through. I have been working nonstop trying to keep him out of my head. But work has slowed and I don't have much to do any more. I get home and my thoughts change. I can't help but see him dancing and partying with gorgeous woman. My thoughts enter that dark hole and I don't know how to get out. For me drinking doesn't matter. Plus if he calls and I'm wasted he'll know somethings wrong. My vice of choice is cutting. Not in the traditional way though. I cut in places that aren't going to be seen. My hips,inner biceps and ribcage. Just deep enough to feel and bleed some. Plus by the time he gets home the cuts will be nice and healed. I look at the razor blades that I had stashed in the case by the door. Too sharp it wont hurt as badly. I glance around my eyes catching on the pair of barber scissors sitting on the counter. Perfect. I reach for them and frown as I hear my phone ringing. I must say his timing is impeccable. I answer, "Hailie....wazzup?" I smiled slightly he drunk called me. We had a brief conversation about his last show and he said that he was gonna go to sleep. "I loooovve you. Talk tomorrow" and with that we hung up. I glanced down at the blood slipping off of my hip two lines of crimson. I quickly bandaged it up and went to the kitchen for a valium. This should be enough to hold me till tomorrow morning. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I stare at the bottle. Wondering how many I could take before I ODed. Six seven maybe.
Is that the answer? Death...the voice in my head was saying yes.  He will never love you. You're broken. Damaged goods. Hell even your own mother didn't want you.
I picked up the phone and texted my boss saying that I couldn't make it to work in the morning.
I downed four pills and drank half a bottle of whiskey. Before walking outside. I don't know where I'm going but I have to go. I walked for what seemed like ever before I found what I was looking for. A dock with a little boat. I sat down in the boat and cried. Next thing I knew I was fading out of consciousness.

A/N: I'M SORRY GUYS. Today's just kind of one of those days where my thoughts are here in this dark space I hope I didn't ruin your day. I did set up my messages so feel free to reach out with comments. 😢 your girl. Hailie