boyfriend | fillie

stress out

I sat in a booth at my workplace, fiddling my fingers with an uneasy feeling. my stomach gurgled, not because I was hungry of course. I waited for Finn, sweat running down the back of my neck and forehead, my heart was beating so fast. I didn't even know how I would begin this awful conversation, I didn't wanna put any pressure on Finn it myself, but I had to, it had already been a few days since I spoke with his mom about it. I couldn't just ignore, I literally couldn't.

Soon I heard the bell chime on the door and I turned quickly to see if Finn had arrived, my shoulders relaxed when my eyes were laid on a small older woman who had grey hair, and wore an all blue jumpsuit. I watched her as she went to sit down, my eyes immediately darted back to the clear glass door when I met eyes with a smiling Finn. My heart sunk and my breathing picked up, he walked over to me and kissed the top of my head as he walked past me and to sit into the seat across from me. I gulped and looked away, avoiding all eye contact. "what's up? What did you need to talk about?" My eyes started to water, I hadn't even started speaking and I was already breaking down. My throat felt like it had gone totally dry and I gasped for water, Finn handed me a cup of water that had already been placed on the table and I took a big sip, he watched me with concern and stayed quiet. I put the water down and wiped my top lip and looked down again, my eyes still becoming wetter by the second. I felt his fingers hold my chin and slowly pull my face up to look him in the eyes, my lip quivered and I sniffed a bit and went to wipe away the tears that were rolling down my red cheeks. "Millie, what's wrong?" My breathing pitcher even more and I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I'm pregnant with your child."

he stayed very quiet and quickly pulled his fingers away from my chin, I immediately began to cry more, but slowly. I looked down again and thought of the things he might be thinking, what if he didn't wanna be with me anymore? I wouldn't be able to get him to stay, he had done this to me in the first place, it wasn't my fault I was pregnant, he should have known. Right?

The silence was over once Finn spoke up again as he scratched the back of his obviously now sweaty neck also, "h-how long have you known?" He was now looking down, I couldn't tell if it was
embarrassment or guilt in his expression, "about a week.." I had kind of felt guilty for not telling him right when I found out. He deserved to know, I mean this unborn child was his anyways. He looked back up at me with a new expression on his face, it looked like it could have been anger almost, maybe shock I suppose. "And you didn't tell me when you found out?" He had put his hands on the table and rested them there, one of his hands rose up again to his head to tangle his fingers in his curly hair. "n-no.. I thought you might be mad, or not wanna see me anymore.." I looked down again and started to feel the wet feeling in my eyes again, I hated crying in front of Finn, it made me look weak and vulnerable. I sniffles and looked away, the diner seemed less full than it was when I had arrived for my shift earlier this morning. "who else have you told?" At this point, he seemed angry, angry with me for not telling him. I didn't blame him, I'd wanna know too. But all I could do was cry and think of things to say, I wasn't prepared for this conversation. How could he be mad at me for being pregnant? I didn't really want to have a baby right now either, I was only 16 and Finn was almost 18, he'd have to leave his moms house eventually and get a job and live on his own, and at that time in someone's life, I knew it wasn't a good idea to be having a child. "j-just lilia and-and.. your mom.." his eyes widened when I mentioned his mother, his expression changed again, but this time it seemed like too many emotions at once. Possibly anger mixed with sadness and guilt. There was no way of knowing really. "You told my mom about our unborn child and not me first? What the fuck, millie." He was now angry obviously and I didn't like it, I didn't like Finn's angry side, sometimes it would even scare me. "I don't know what to say! I'm sorry? Okay? do you even know how much stress I'm going through?! I'm fucking pregnant and I'm only 16! You have no fucking right to be upset with me right now! This is your god damn fault!" He stayed quiet and looked away. I tried to calm myself down from my small sudden outburst but just cried some more.

Finn shifted in his seat roughly and looks away from me, he looked almost as if he were disgusted with me. I knew this was bad, I shouldn't have yelled at him, it just made things worse than they are. I didn't know what to do. I was so stressed, my face began to feel extremely hot from crying so much and I wiped my eyes. "I think we need a break." The silence was broke and I looked up to Finn with shock, my mouth hung open slightly and there it was again, the hot tears rolling down my cheeks all over again. I didn't understand, for so long all he wanted was to be with me and now he's pushing me away? I knew this would happen, I knew it would.

I turned my head a few times then looked back at him "what? Out of all times, right now wouldn't be the best time, Finn!" I held the back of my neck with both my palms and hung my head a bit low, Finn didn't say anything, he just looked at me with no expression on his face, not the slightest bit of gilt or sadness. "Finn- please." And with that he stood up and began to make his way out of the book, I grabbed onto his wrist and looked up to him "Finn!" He pulled his wrist away from my grip harshly and gave me a glare, I cried in disbelief and coughed "please, don't do this." And with that, he walked out of the booth and out of the diner. I placed my face on the table and sobbed, what was I supposed to do? My 18 year old boyfriend just got me pregnant and I'm only 16 with no help, and he feels no guilt? What had over come him? "Are you alright?" I looked up and wiped my face with my sleeve to see the grey haired woman who had walked in before Finn earlier. I sniffles and shook my head and she smiled to me and placed her hand on mine "you'll be okay honey." I smiled a bit to her, even though I knew I wouldn't be okay. My world was falling apart.
Because of Finn.