Kim Jonghyun really knows how to break a woman's heart. “I’m sorry I don't go into that kind of relationship.”
I could hear the sound of my own heart shattering into pieces. I didn’t know when my tears started falling or when he said goodbye. Before I knew it he was already gone leaving me in my most pathetic state.
I wasn't prepared for it. The rejection was unexpected because everything he did made me think I actually had a chance.
The moments we spent together laughing to our hearts content, the moments we were holding each other’s hands and saying I miss yous... I knew for a fact that he feels the same way as I do. It wasn’t my fault that I fell in love with him. It was him who was being so sweet and confuses my heart.
I was greedy. I couldn’t just be contended with the friendship. I wanted something more. So I told him those three words which I shouldn’t have spoken out loud.
“I love you,” I said. But he couldn’t accept the love I was willing to offer. He said he doesn’t need it. I cried because it hurts. Whoever said that falling in love is a happy thing must have been out of his mind. Because it hurts like hell.
Weeks passed and I haven't seen a glimpse of him. If he was intentionally avoiding me, I’m not really sure. I’m not sure if I like it that way either.
However, I knew that sooner or later no matter how much we try to avoid each other, our meeting will still be inevitable.
It happened one day while I was out partying with a friend. I hate parties because for one, its noisy, two I don’t dance and three, I don’t know how to socialize. I just went to that damn party because if I didn’t go I’ll have to stay at home alone willowing in distress after being dumped by the person I love. And that doesn’t sound appealing, if you ask me.
And so I went even if the party totally sucks and my feet is aching after being forced to wear stilettos which I’m not really used to wearing.
“Stay here I’m going to get some drinks," my friend told me before leaving.
“Sure,” I said. I scanned the crowd hoping the scene would cure my boredom and my aching heart but unfortunately it didn’t. I let out a deep sigh.
“Hey there,” someone said behind me. When I turned to look I saw a guy about my age eyeing me with interest. I ignored the guy hoping he would realize I’m not interested. I guess he’s one of those guys who you can call handsome in a normal girl's perspective. But too bad he didn’t meet my standard with Jonghyun being the basis of it. Damn that guy. At this rate I don’t think I’ll be able to get a boyfriend.
To my annoyance, the guy didn’t leave. I really hate having an annoying guy on my tail. Add that to the list of reasons why I don’t like parties.
From the corner of my eye I saw a familiar figure grabbing a drink and talking to someone. My heart skipped a beat. God, he was gorgeous and my heart was aching from the mere sight of him. When he noticed me he immediately looked away and it infuriated me.
I turned to the guy who was talking to me earlier. Luckily he didn’t leave yet. I needed something, anything to distract me and that guy seemed to be the only option I had at the moment. I gave him a smile to let him know I’m interested in making a conversation. He returned the smile and then we started chatting.
The conversation dragged on with him mostly the one talking and me pretending to listen. While the guy was introducing himself, I was thinking how Jonghyun's new hair color suits him better.
While he was telling me about the type of music he listens to, I was wondering when I will ever get the chance to hear Jonghyun sing again. I missed those moments when he would let me be the first one to listen to his newly composed songs. Now, I no longer have that kind of privilege.
