Who Kissed Charlie Fine?

Chapter 10

Cherie Warner's funeral was planned to take place in the traditional three stages. First there would be the viewing at J. M. Hogan's funeral home on Aquene Road. The caravan of mourners would then make their way to the Good Shepherd church for mass, and then to the burial site on the adjacent Peace Hill cemetery grounds. Charlie and Martin decided not to attend the viewing, concerned that Martin's presence might be too distressing to Cherie's family. They arrived at the church early intent on staying for the mass, only for Martin to have second thoughts, feeling that it was perhaps too intimate a service for a total stranger to attend, especially one who was innocently enough at some fault for its taking place. With Charlie in agreement, they instead opted to wait in the churchyard and join the procession to Peace Hill at a reverent distance to bear witness and to pay final respects.

They were sitting on a bench under the cloudless, endless sky, both men thinking quietly in their own way that there could be no day more beautiful to bid farewell to such a sunny soul as Cherie's, when a woman's voice grunted somewhere behind them and the words, "There's got to be something better for me in this world before I die," caused them to turn around.

Upon seeing the beautiful young woman with hair like Diana Ross cursing to herself as she took off her high heels to keep from sinking into the ground again, Charlie huffed. He'd chosen his agencies too well. The candidate they'd sent out would get points for determination but deductions for lack of stealth. Those looking to maintain the element of surprise rarely called out, "Ooh!" when their target was within range. Once she and Charlie locked eyes, she hurried over on tiptoes to the bench where both men stood, however reluctant, to meet her.

"Is that Charlie Fine?" she asked, the question not really being a question at all.

"Yes, yes it is, but I won't be needing your services today," Charlie said, politely holding off her advancing pucker.

"Why?" she asked, coming to a full stop. Her eyebrows shot up towards her hairline. "You don't like the way I look?"

"No, you're stunning. It's just obviously not the right time." His open hand gestured towards the backdrop.

"They said to ambush you – "

"Yes, well good job."

" – and I didn't know where you were staying and this one wasn't any help!" she complained pointing an accusing finger at Martin.

"I told him to wait, but he wouldn't!" Martin lied shamelessly.

"You want me to come back?" she asked.

"That defeats the purpose," said Charlie.

"Okay," she shrugged. "You're the client, but can you just tell them I did the job anyway?"

"I won't lie, but I will explain the situation."

The model, and Charlie could tell she was one from her tall height and thin frame, looked seriously put out.

"They're going to think I messed up again," she said, sighing.

"Messed up how?" Martin asked.

"I'm not talking to you," she pouted. "Do you guys know what it's like to eat nothing but boiled vegetables with boiled everything else so you can stay a size zero only to have someone in casting tell you your gums are too fat for an online catalogue? I'm Bajan, you know. I can cook!" She mumbled something unhappily about eating cou-cou with no gravy all the while rummaging through her purse for what turned out to be a mint she had previously sucked and re-wrapped in its foil. Charlie shook his head.

"They never!" said Martin.

"So they used the word 'plump'. That means fat. What's the size of my gums got to do with a catalogue for nurses' uniforms?"