Mafia's Art.

Part 10 - I prayed after a long time.

I wasn't surprise to feel all this mixed emotion considering all I have been through. I am a mess, a really 'ugly' mess. I would be a fool if I don't start to get myself together. Laying down in the darkness while all the thoughts reminiscence my mind, giving me a headache but it doesn't stop there... I start to cry, really cry. I think... letting God decide my emotions this time, I have been avoiding anything spiritual. I mean, living in a world so different - a world where everyone believes different. And I'm here just letting it go - and let him decide... I was even more messy, snot bubbles made sounds with the crying and little tune of my prayer - i was confuse and utterly completely hopeless. I don't know where my brother and sister's were, who this man is, why he does what he does, why I'm in this position. It has almost been 1 hour since my prayer - now I can say I feel a little better, sometimes we think God is at fault, but instead we make decision that can give us positive or negative outcomes. 

You decide what you want to choose and some is reluctant to choose what they believe in and honestly I believe God is real. Because of him I know whatever purpose  I need to serve will be serve. I might sounds stupid and boring. But I believe it. Sitting up straight and feeling and relieve and happy. I wasn't prepare for what purpose God has in store for me. 

30 minutes later...

Still lost in my bundles of thoughts - I didn't notice the person I don't like at the moment wacthing me. I would lie if I say that his looks didn't affect me at all and make me weak, we human after all. Is this my future? To actually like get numb at someone who... who... I am so confuse but I need to be strong for my little brother and sisters, they need me and I know they out there some where and I hope they're happy and enjoying life that's all what I'm hoping for - "do you think that there is really a God?" pssst. "WAKE THE F*CK UP THERE IS NO GOD" I was so shocked and stumber a bit back till my back hit my bedstand. I would lie if I say that I din't expect his reaction and his outburst. WOW, he truly has some anger issues...

While I am looking at him still shivering and him standing there staring at me and literally vibrating of anger and honestly I don't know what his problem is. 

"Uhm, excuse me... yo..I mean..."scared to talk and Gosh his stare shuts me down. Having a staring contest - and then he break it - that look ...

Almost like a spirit leaving me, when he break that stare and left. OH is this my life?

Is this really my life. Staring up at the ceiling as my old breath left me. I don't think I will be able to survive as my eyes want to water again but atleast I am strong enough to push it back. 

What a hell was that? shooting? afraid to move. afraid to do again. While sitting to limb to make a move - when the bodygaurd scream in his language and push open my door-"Come on girl it isn't now time to sit and be humble move your a**"!!! While he grap me and it hurts but who am I to complain when we trying to survieve from what I don't KNOW! 

Running through hallways and through different doors it is hopeless to try and memorize. 

He has his gun in one hand and the other hand holding me, and finally reaching a under basement. Where he waits for me, and let me tell you he looked messy but good messy. I wanted ask what is happening but before I could he shouted for one of his guys to help the other guy holding them away. 

While holding out his hand for me to take - and everything happen so slow and well, me to scared and confuse I still accept his hand and going into his sport car a model of 2018 (porche), and going down the road like flash. Everthing felt so safe. safe. safe. I turn my head to look at him - and he looked so serious but so determine to get us safe. safe. It is my first time seeing someone so beautiful. I didn't knew I was staring, till he break the silence and made me realise that... 

"It is rude to stare, Bella" Don't you know that? 

I didn't have words my mouth when dry and I turn back and look infront while I'm rested my head back and felt relaxed and not even thinking just relaxed.

I didn't expect him to drop this bomb. 

"I didn't do what you thought I did". I was starled but it made me so curiours that I IMMEDIATELY spring forward to ask what he meant, but before I could he got a phonecall.