Earning Her Own Name

Chapter 17

I woke up and looked around the room. I felt sore and stiff and my face felt sticky. I craned my neck to look at the time and take in my surroundings. A sudden shifting from beside me made me jump. I turned and saw Sean splayed out beside me. My heart quickened in fear and anxiety as I remembered last night. I felt my eyes start to sting as I shifted, bruises on my body screaming in protest and in between my legs feeling horribly sore.

I had to get out of here before he woke up. I slowly started to slip out of the bed, lightly placing my feet on the floor. The fresh air hit me, sending shivers up my body. I tiptoed and gathered my clothes up from the floor. As I came up, my eyes locked on my reflection in a mirror hanging on the wall across from me. I saw purple splotches on my arms and legs from where he had hit me if I didn’t obey. My face was pale though my cheeks were red and puffy. I saw tear marks and my eyes looked sore from crying. I even saw the faint outline of finger marks on my left cheek. He had seriously slapped me that hard? My hand moved up and gently brushed my face and I winced. He had not only broken me emotionally, but physically as well. How could have I been so damn stupid?

I shook the thoughts out of my head and started to slip back into my underwear. I picked up my dress and pulled it on quickly. I looked around the room and checked to make sure Sean was still sleeping. Thank God he was. I walked over to where my stuff had been lying on the floor and gathered it quickly.  Without looking back I hurried out of the room and down the stairs. I knew I was a wreck and I had to walk home.

I made my way down the street, a new wave of tears had come on as my thoughts wondered to what had happened last night. I had been stupid enough to think that he had really liked me for me. I had been stupid enough to pick him over Liam. I had been stupid enough to go home with him last night. I had been stupid.

Everything still hurt. My head, my body, my heart. God, it all hurt. And I deserved it all. I should have listened to Liam from the start. He was the one who really looked out for me. He was the one who was always there for me. He was the one who made me feel safe and warm. He was the one I wanted to be with right now.

I wasn’t sure how long it had taken me to get home, but I hurried in the front door.

“Hello?” I asked my voice raspy. No one answered. Sami must still be at Nick’s and Mom must have had to go into work. I sighed and hurried upstairs. The first thing I did was tear my dress off and shove into the laundry basket and out of sight. I stripped from my underwear, feeling dirty just wearing them after recent events. I pulled on clean clothes, consisting of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. I walked over to my hole in the wall and pulled Liam’s sweatshirt out of it without even thinking. I wrapped it around my shoulders and collapsed onto my bed, burying my head into the collar of it and crying.

“I fucked up so bad.” I cried. I lifted my head up and sniffled, wiping the tears from my face. I stared across the room at my guitar that stood on the stand across the room. Normally when I was upset playing would make me feel better, but right now, I felt too… hollow. Music wasn’t going to fill the void.

I let out a frustrated sigh, unsure of how to make this feeling go away. I felt like pure shit, and didn’t know how to make it even slightly better. I got up and walked over to my purse and grabbed it digging my phone out from inside. I went through it to see if I had any texts. Only one from my Mom telling me she had been called into work. Well I had already figured that one out, thank you very much.

I sighed as I went to my pictures. I don’t know why I just did. I took a lot of pictures, maybe there’d be one there that would cheer me up.

I scrolled for a little while until I came across one of Liam and I in the park. We always seemed to take stupid pictures there whenever we went there.