Earning Her Own Name

Chapter 19

I wasn’t sure for how long or how far I ran. I wasn’t even sure where I was for half the time. I couldn’t even feel my legs, or my feet touch the ground with every step. I felt so hollow and empty, I wasn’t sure if I’d feel anything ever again. Finally, after what felt like ages, my legs gave out and I fell to the ground, stopping myself from face planting by putting out my hands. I winced in pain as skin was ripped off of my hands and arms by the concrete, but I didn’t care. It was a relief to feel this pain. I rolled over and let out an agonizing groan, not having enough strength inside of me to scream like I really wanted to.

How could he do this to me? How could she do this to me? I get it if he was still mad at me for what I did to him, but he had just kissed me. He told me he’d protect me. He held me when I cried into him. Then he kisses my sister?

Nothing made sense.

I picked myself up off the ground and looked around. I recognized where I was as to be a few blocks away from my own. How I had gotten here, I wasn’t sure. My legs wobbled as they carried in the direction of my house. My heart was pounding and my breathing was ragged. I wasn’t sure if it was because I had just ran for around an hour or something like that straight, or because of the pain I was feeling. Probably a bit of both.

Again, I wasn’t sure how long it took me to walk home, but soon enough, maybe even a little too soon, I was walking up the front steps to my house. The only thing that was running through my head was the incredible want to never see my sister again. God I hoped she wasn’t in this house right now.

Please.

I walked in the door and stood there for a minute, looking around. I suddenly felt lightheaded and I leaned against the wall for support, leaving a bit of blood. I didn’t know what to do.

“Danni?!” I heard the voice that was forever going to haunt me. I flinched and my heart sped up as my sister ran into the room.

“Danni.” She breathed and ran over to me. “God, Danni what happened to you?” she asked, analyzing my bloodied arms and hands as well as the dirt and sweat that covered my body. I clenched my jaw, but didn’t answer. I went to push past her. She didn’t exist to me anymore.

“Danni stop!” she said and grabbed my shoulder pulling me backwards. I shook her off roughly and continued walking towards the staircase. “Danni please. I’m so sorry. You have no idea how horrible I feel right now.” She said her voice cracking. Her voice cracking?! Why in the world is she upset? She could have any guy she wanted and she just proved that to me. She should be fucking ecstatic.

I just stood there, contemplating saying something back, to just give her a hint of how broken I am right now, but words couldn’t describe it. I couldn’t describe it.

“Look, I went there to look for you.” She started. I lost it.

“You went there to look for me and you end up making out with my best friend. The one you never talked to, the one you always thought I had feelings for. If you had your suspicions you shouldn’t have even thought about hooking up with him like you do with the rest of the male population. You should respect your fucking sister for once your pitiful life!” I screamed, spinning around. She stood there tears in her eyes.

“I know.” She whispered. “I knew you had feelings for him. I knew you did. But I kissed him anyway. “I knew he had feelings for you. But I kissed him anyway.” She repeated. My eyes darted to the floor. He had feelings for me. Too bad that was all a lie. Too bad that didn’t even matter anymore.

“Danni, please. I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I was hurt, and so was Liam. I sought comfort in the same way I do all the time. I know you always told me that that wasn’t a good way to find comfort and I wish I had listened.” She said, her thoughts seeming to just flow out of her mouth unfiltered.