Every night
Since I entered that home again
I have had dreams
Dreams filled with tears
With him
With absolute panic
But I can't change it
My therapist said
I should try to lucid dream
And I've tried
But I can't
It won't work
I have tried different methods
But I can't control my dreams
I can't escape the panic
The worry
The fear
It's no longer just memories
It's stuff that has never happened
It's something I can't explain
He's always there
In my own mind
Everywhere I turn within myself
Leads to him
I wish I could escape it
But to have a relationship
With my siblings
I need to be in that environment
I need to be around him
And it's suffocating
Thinking
Being around
And dreaming of him
It suffocated me
It shuts me down
It makes my heart feel hollow
There's so much pain
So much panic
So much heartbreak
All caused by him
It comes to me in waves
The pain I felt while I was there
I can't escape it
I am scared
I want to be brave
But I can't be brave
Not when it comes to the man
The man who broke me
-if you're broken
can you ever be fixed
YOU ARE READING
Writing Until My Soul Recovers
PoetryI'm seventeen with more trauma than most my age. I haven't cut in five months but I'm struggling. My mental health is struggling and it's hard because I'm in recovery from something. But not my big problem. I'm still struggling with that and I was t...
