Are you tired from traveling places to places but never found what you are looking for? You do not even know what you are looking for either? Are you fed up with material things, only to end up feeling empty and longing for more and more? Someone...
Many times, I cry quietly and whisper... Nanay (Mother) why have you left me? Do you think I can do this alone?
Remember the movie called Catch and Release on Netflix when one character in the name of Maureen said "I cannot do this, I am a bad mother This is hard, I cannot do it" - Maureen, single mom of a toddler seeking financial support from his dead "known" biological father
Nanay died a decade ago, after my Tatay (Father) died five years back.
My daughter is the daughter of my youngest sister. She's a lovely mestiza young girl born with natural curls and Spanish mestiza features. I had been supporting her studies ever since she entered schooling. I sent her to a catholic school. Her mother is a bi polar. Domestic family and financial turmoils comes with the condition. So until now she's staying with me and I continue to support her, in every big and small ways I can.
As I water the plants this morning, as breeze sips through our 36 level window. The earth down below honks and beeps in traffic of this day's routine.
I was reminded.
Whatever happens.
It's between my daughter and the Lord.
It's between me and the Lord.
My part is to become a godly mother and I leave the results to God.
Yes it is easy to throw the towel and give up! There's a saying if you are a Tita (Aunt), you can borrow kids not your own, enjoy them and return them to their parents if you fall tired or not wanting them anymore. If everybody's doing it doesn't mean I have to do it as well. We're talking of a precious life here, a beautiful young teen with a dream of becoming a medical doctor someday.
I went to cook her favorite Sinigang in pork, a soup dish here in the Philippines. We both watched 50 first dates on Netflix. Ate corn snacks... oh I am a bad mother!
I talked to her while we both hold back our tears.
Sin is like telling God... no God I am not a woman I am a man. I will decide who I will be not You God. That's rebellion.
Without absolute truth. The world is a dangerous place to get lost into.
Can you imagine your self asking a math teacher... One plus one It is not two point something to the nth power It is absolute. Two
Or go to the medical oncologist... Doc do I have cancer? It's either a yes or no Absolute I don't think the doctor will say Well it depends... You what do you think? You decide. I would think all patients in their right mind would want the truth. Absolutely.
It is a decaying world "I am god junior" we live in.
It hit me to the core...
If I will not spend quality time with my daughter, not disciple her to become who God wants her to be, not teach her of the fear of the Lord - not fear from punishment but fear out of love, if I will not guide her to the light?
Who will?
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Manila Bay sunset, taken by my pretty daughter, one afternoon from our window watching the gorgeous sun coming down from the west side of Manila.
