Where There's Light | ✔

38. Christmas Eve (1)

Taylor spent the morning crying, probably missing Mom. She finally settled down once I put on Moana. Dad made a Netflix account just to play the movie for her. Because he could do things like that without a second thought while we had to struggle to keep the lights on.

Taylor stood in front of the tv, mesmerized by the movie she'd seen a million times and eating dry Cheerios. Dad was finishing up a call with caterers for his party. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and Dad had planned a whole event. When I was banished here I thought we'd be spending time alone, bonding or whatever. No one said anything about a party.

"Jade, can we talk about last night?" He asked before I could disappear back to my room. He phrased it as a question, but his tone suggested I didn't have a choice.

I took a seat on the bottom step of the stairs. Dad did the same. He cleared his throat before beginning. "I understand you're upset about me leaving, but coming up with insane stories about me and my secretary? Where did that even come from?"

I shrugged. It was possible I made it up. My brain tried to fill in the blanks, tried to make sense of why my father would up and leave one day. Sure, my parents were fighting more and more in the days that lead up to him leaving, but I just thought it was stress from his job and the new baby. I thought it'd work itself out and things would be normal again. The idea of them splitting up never even crossed my mind.

"You were spending a lot more time at work," I said, finally.

"Because I was preparing for the merger," he countered. "I promise I never cheated on your mom."

I folded my arms around my bent knees, keeping my eyes on the hardwood flooring. "So, your job is just more important than us? Like that's any better. Like leaving us with nothing while you lived like this—" I threw my hands up at the high ceilings and fancy artwork on the walls. "—is any better than you leaving your family for another woman!"

He looked at me like I was speaking another language. "Left you with nothing? Is that what your mother told you?"

Now I looked at him like he was speaking gibberish. "Are you saying you didn't?"

"I've been sending your mom checks every month," he told me, a crease forming between his brows.

He'd been what? That couldn't be true. Mom wouldn't have hid that from me. Or would she? She treated me like I was Taylor, too young to understand what was happening.

I thought back to all the times I went to bed hungry, all the times I caught Mom crying trying to decide which bill was the most important to pay, all the times I cried because there was nothing I could do to help. And he was telling me that all of that stress was for nothing? That we had money?

"Jade?" Dad said as I stood.

I wrapped my arms around my middle. "Can I have my phone back?"

He stood as well, shaking his head, already knowing what I wanted it for. "Maybe you should wait and talk to her face to face when you get back," he suggested. "I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation."

"Yeah. Right," I mumbled, going up the stairs.

Once I was in my room I had the sudden urge to break something. To scream. To cry. Then I saw the half painted box on the desk. I sat down and focused in that. On getting the geometric shapes that decorated the box in the picture just right. On how happy Allison would be when she saw what her son did for her. There were too many details in painting the box for me to focus on anything else. It was the perfect distraction.

* * *

The next morning I was awaken by a knock on my door. I tried to ignore it, snuggling deeper into my covers, but then the thumps of a tiny hand made me sit up.

"It's open," I grumbled, wiping sleep from my eyes.

The door opened and Taylor rushed in wearing a pretty red dress, a bow to match in her hand instead of on her head. For a moment I had forgotten all about the party that was happening later.

Dad stood in the doorway as I watched with amusement as Taylor attempted to climb into my Queen sized bed, denying my help when I reached out. When she finally made it up she straddled me, resting her head on my chest.

"When you didn't come back down yesterday I thought maybe you ran away," Dad joked.

"And you're only checking on me now?"

"Well, when you started making a noise like a chainsaw I knew you were in here."

I slit my eyes at him. "I do not snore."

He held his hands up in defense. "Marley, my assistant, is bringing by some dresses for you to choose from for the party."

I glanced down at Taylor, all dressed up. "I didn't know I had to play dress up."

"Just for today. After the party you can wear your pajamas until New Years," he assured me. Then he pulled my phone from his back pocket, handing it to me. "Try to understand where she's coming from. Your mom's going through enough as it is."

He picked up Taylor and left me to make the call, closing the door behind him. I stared down at my phone, contemplating whether or not I actually wanted to call her. Did I want to hear her reasons for letting me believe we were on the brink of being homeless?

I sucked in a deep breath and tapped the screen a few times. The phone rung twice before she picked up.

"Jade?"

"Yeah."

She sucked her teeth. "I should've known he wasn't going to listen when I told him not to give you your phone back."

"He hasn't. I mean, not until now." I surprised myself by defending him. Maybe I was only using it as a way to stall the inevitable.

Mom was silent for a while, probably surprised too. "How's Tay? She isn't fussing too much, is she?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Only when Moana isn't playing."

"Oh, lord," Mom groaned. "That movie. That's one thing I won't miss while y'all are—"

"Does Dad give you money?"

Her answer was in the long pause before she spoke again. In the soft tone of her voice when she said my name. It was true. Dad was sending her money and she was doing what with it? Letting it collect dust?

"Why?" I tried to keep the emotion out of voice, from spilling down my cheeks.

"Jade, honey, don't worry about all that."

"Don't worry?" I scoffed, rolling my eyes at the ceiling. "How am I not supposed to worry? Do you know how bad I feel when I think  about asking you for money to buy lunch or new shoes or to go to school events? Why do you think I got the job? All I do is worry, Mom." I took a moment to collect myself before asking, "Why aren't you using the money?"

"I did use some of it," she admitted. "But only when absolutely necessary. That's how I kept us a float while I was in between jobs. You have to understand that I've been dependent on your father for years I didn't want to rely in him anymore. I know I can make it work on my own. I just need time."

"And what about me and Taylor?" I asked a little more harsher than intended. "We're supposed to suffer because your pride won't let you cash a check."

"Jade, I—"

Whatever she said after was cut off by me ending the call. Tears stung my eyes, my throat tightened, but I refused to completely break down. Mom called back. her face lighting up the screen. I powered down my phone and went to give it back to Dad. He didn't even bother asking me how the call went, I'm sure it was all over my face.

Thankfully, I didn't have time to dwell on the conversation with my mom. Marley arrived with a rack of dresses of varying colors, textures and lengths. For the night I was determined to turn off my worrying and to enjoy myself. With a cute dress and the right make-up, I could pretend I was someone who didn't have a care in the world.