Underneath the Surface (On Hold)

4: Epiphany

The dots on my old laptop screen appeared and disappeared a few times, meaning David was typing his answer. For some irritating reason my heartbeat went faster than usual and the noise in my head turned into buzzing.

D_Brown: Still got the money?

N_Tucker: i do.

D_Brown: Good. Don't give it to Dean. Spend it wisely.

I took the creased twenty-dollar bill out of my pocket and looked at it. It seemed as if Jackson was softly shaking his head and was looking at me with a disapproving gaze in his eyes like he wanted to say what kind of a disaster I was. I fucking bribed someone and I felt like shit about it.

D_Brown: I'm going to eat now. Have a nice life.

Fuck! Thoughts twirled through my head as I tried to come up with something to say before he would log off. A part of me desperately wanted to keep talking to him, maybe even to apologize.

N_Tucker: wait. can we talk later?

D_Brown: Why? You've made it pretty clear you don't want tutoring.

Fuck. Fuck! I had done that. What was I supposed to say to this guy to make it up to him? I barely knew David. Why would I even want to apologize to him?

N_Tucker: dunno. talk about losing a parent or something

It took a while for the dots to appear and disappear again and I felt an incontrollable anxiety for what he was going to say next. It was stupid, but I had the feeling that he could be one of the few, heck maybe the only one, who truly understood my feelings about a lot that had happened in these past couple of months.

D_Brown: Sure. I'll be online at nine.

'Nick! Come down!' Dad yelled.

A deep sigh escaped through my lips and I brushed my hair with my right hand, before closing my laptop. I stepped out of my bed and yelled: 'Coming!'

I put the laptop on my desk, hid the money in my closet underneath my underwear and quickly washed my face in the bathroom. When I came downstairs I saw the dining table was filled with bowls, plates with food on it, beers and a bottle of wine.

'Nicholas!' shouted a female voice from behind me.

I turned to face my grams and she immediately gave me a tight hug when I saw her. My grandpa shook my hand after she let me go. They both looked a lot older compared to when I had seen them last.

'Ah, Nick. How are you kid? How are you?' Grandpa asked.

Before I could answer him Dad appeared next to me and he directed both my grandparents to the dining table. 'Dinner's ready. I hope I didn't mess up too much.'

'Ah lovely,' my grams said when she sat down on one of the dining room chairs. Her eyes scanned the overcooked pasta and the almost-burned vegetables. 'You're such a gentleman, Neil.'

We all sat down and I quickly gave Dad a 'what-the-hell-look'. This was going to be a long evening.

'So, how are you doing, dear?'

Grams looked a bit concerned at my longer hair and oversized t-shirt.

'Trying to make the best of it,' I mumbled.

'Good for you,' Grandpa nodded. 'We can't sit around and waste our lives, because she isn't...'

He went quiet and swallowed. Dad handed him a beer.

My grandparents had loved my mom dearly as she had been their only and long awaited child. Grams always used to waffle about how mom was a true miracle and mom had always gotten bright red like a tomato and quickly shushed her. She wasn't someone who liked to be in the spotlights.