Highs and Lows

The highs... oh how amazing was the euphoria. She just couldn't wait for another shot of adrenaline in her veins, another mind spinning high. Sleepless nights spent drinking coffee and watching the sunrise come over the trees. Never realising how loud she spoke, how fast she spoke and whether people judged her. She couldn't get enough of the people she surrounded herself with. They were fun right? Her impulsive actions.. when it was over it was like she had a hangover. Soon became aware of her dangerous stunts she pulled. She wished she could hide away from the world, hide away from herself. Never show her face to anyone because after all she might have said or done.. She was embarrassed. Too bad it's nothing she can control.
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The fun part: the low. This low seemed to go on for months. The illusion of a smile appeared on her lips every day because who would understand how she felt, when she was still trying to understand it? No one knew. She was brilliant at lying. "How are you?" A friend would ask. "I'm good!" She'd say, forcing the dreaded smile once again for the millionth time that day. All she wanted to do was scream, "I'm not ok". She felt empty inside. Nothing could bring her joy anymore. Not her hobbies she used to love with a passion. She didn't feel anything. She was officially numb. Nothing would excite her. It was as though her legs lead her to the edge of a jagged cliff once again. An unknown force willing her to take that step into a never ending abyss. Each time felt worse in a different way, her thoughts changed with a click of a finger and there she was. Fragile and vulnerable. She just wanted someone to see through her, to understand this never ending feeling of despair. That's ok though. She made it through. This time.