Highs and Lows

Bury it

She buried it. Deep down. Her big secret that no one except one knew. She didn't believe it. She wouldn't even let herself think about it, she would avoid it at all cost. How would she handle it if she did acknowledge the underlying cause of everything? No way, she would shake her head as though to release the millions of thoughts racing through her head each day. Each day was a struggle but she didn't see it as that. She would get up and keep going. She'd go to school, put on a fake act and always ask people if they were ok. Never the other way around. It was called small talk, they only asked to be polite not out of worry. No one could see through her smile that was gradually fading each day. The couple of months before, she held herself taut and head high, as though she never felt like crawling away into a corner and hiding herself away from the scary world. She was guarding herself from anyone that might notice, that might see through her. Frightened, she barely uttered a word to her family who cared for her so. She didn't listen to them when they asked, "How could you do that to me? You haven't even apologised?" How could someone wreck herself to the extent that they didn't even know herself? She ate too much then, not caring or second guessing anything anymore. She wanted to make the mistake again, to laugh and have fun. To do something so crazy that she might forget the crazy inside of her. Ready to be unleashed. She wasn't ready for what was next in her life. She was wasting away like a flower withering away in the presence of the harsh sun. She couldn't handle it anymore. What happened next? Did she abuse it again? Or come to realise what she needed to all along?