heyo everyone. I'm here to talk about a small crush I have been developing for my friend for the past 3 or 4 weeks. lets just start off by saying, I hate myself and I do not want this crush, at all.
you all know I have a boyfriend, a loving boyfriend. 3 days ago was our 3 year anniversary. I know that's a long time, but leave it up to me to ruin it. right?
anyone reading this probably thinks I'm a dumbass for even thinking about breaking off a 3 year long relationship because of a crush. and yes, you'd be right, completely right. I would be a dumbass.
but here's the thing, if this crush gets stronger, I have to tell my boyfriend, which will result in him breaking up with me. and i wouldn't even blame him.
most would think, just don't hang out with that guy anymore, and I wish I could but before anything,, he was my friend, my best friend. I cant just throw him away like he's garbage, that would make me as bad as the people who did the same to me. I wouldnt dare do that to someone else. it feels like shit and it would feel even more like shit for him because he trusts me, so much, more than he trusts his other friends, and I feel that way with him too. and I can tell he cares about me too. and if I'm not wrong he might have a small crush on me too.
the biggest thing we have in common is we don't want to have these crushes. I don't want to ruin the best thing ive ever had in my life, but I can't control my feelings, if I could, I would've gotten rid of the crush right away. right now. but I can't.
I feel like shit and keep overthinking about it, but on the bright side,, I have friends who will be there for me if this does take a turn for the worst. which I hope it won't.
someone remind me to always throw my feelings away :))
YOU ARE READING
Depression: It Speaks to Me
Non-FictionIts just me, i have problems and I guess I'll just tell all about it, even if no one cares. Maybe someone will read my trash for once. Here goes nothing I guess.
