Depression: It Speaks to Me

I FEEL LIKE COMPLETE AND UTTER SHIT AND MY MIND JUST WONT SHUT UP

everything was fine IT WAS ALL FINE WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN I HATE MYSELF I HATE THESE FEELINGS I HATE FEELINGS IN GENERAL WHY CANT THEY JUST GO AWAY IT WOULD BE EASIER IF I WAS SINGLE MY FEELINGS FUCK EVERYTHING UP AND NOW IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN CLEAN FOR TWO WEEKS AND IVE ALREADY CUT AGAIN AND IT FEELS GREAT BETTER THAN ANYTHING ELSE I FUCKING HATE MYSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING AND ALL THESE PEOPLE WANT ME TO BELIEVE IN GOD OR WHATEVER BUT TELL ME!!  WHAT HAS HE OR IT WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS EVER!! DONE FOR ME? NOTHING. I DONT EXPECT HIM TO SNAP HIS FINGERS AND MAKE MY PROBLEMS GO AWAY BUT ITS BEEN ALMOST 6 YEARS AND PEOPLE WANT ME TO BELIEVE IN GOD AS IF ANYTHING IN MY LIFE HAS CHANGED HA!! DUMBASSES FUCK MY LIFE AND FUCK YOU ALL WHO THINK GOD EXISTS, YEAH WELL TELL YOUR "GOD" THAT HE'S LETTING ONE OF HIS PEOPLE DIE BECAUSE THEIR LIFE WAS SO SHIT AND HE DID NOTHING TO CHANGE IT OR HELP WHEN I LITERALLY HAVE HELPED MYSELF THE BEST I CAN AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED AT ALL ITS JUST GOTTEN WORSE AND WORSE, AND YOU CANT TELL ME I WASN'T MORE SANE IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS STUPID STORY, BECAUSE NOW I FEEL CRAZY LIKE IVE LOST MY MIND AND I WANT TO HURT MYSELF AND THE PEOPLE AROUND ME I WANT TO PUNCH A FUCKING WALL BUT I CANT BECAUSE ILL GET IN TROUBLE I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF BUT IM A COWARD NOHING EVEN MATTERS ANYMORE EVERYONE WILL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME AND I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT

GOODBYE