It's been a few days since that first day at Columbia.
Class began to intensify quickly, and it seemed like I chose one of the most difficult classes in the program. Note-taking was rigorous, and the concepts they taught in class were hard to understand given my lack of a background in biology. Of course, being the student that I am, I tried my best to understand the material, and forced myself to be engaged in the labs.
But she was still in the back of my mind. What had she done to me? As if something was sparked within my heart, I could not forget that initial feeling of pure affection that I had felt when I first laid my eyes upon her. I could not forget that smile, those eyes, that warmth. I could barely focus on anything other than the thought of just holding her in my arms. Sometimes during lecture, I'd sit in the back, lost as I gazed at her. She was totally oblivious to the fact that I'd look at her for long periods of time, and I always wondered if she even knew who I was.
~
Something happened after lunch break today.
I came in, almost late as I usually do, since I try to make to most of my break, savoring every second of my freedom in the city. By the time I arrived in class, there weren't many seats left. I took a seat closest to the front: second row on the right, middle seat. As I settled into my seat, I looked to my right. The seat was empty; whoever was sitting there was probably in the bathroom. I peered over at the person's laptop, which had Spotify opened. They were in the middle of listening to BTS' Stigma, a solo song by Taehyung. That was probably my favorite song from the Wings album, and it was nice to know that whoever was sitting to my right had a similar taste in music.
And then she sat down.
I acted cool, as if I wasn't just looking at her computer, as if I wasn't flustered, as if my heart wasn't beating one hundred beats above average. I made sure that I looked as if nothing was out of the ordinary, and continued with class
I decided to put my right hand on the cold table for I was, without a doubt, pumping hot blood through my veins from her presence. I hoped my face wasn't red. But then I noticed her left hand also on the table.
It was truly puzzling. Our hands were about fifteen centimeters away, and yet, it was as if I could feel her warmth directly on my hand. There was a strange, unseen force acting upon us. My hands were drawn to hers, an attraction similar to that of a magnet, like I couldn't pull away. I could feel my hands get pulled closer, as if gravitation was inevitable, and yet, my hands had not moved at all. An image of me resting my hand upon hers at that moment replayed in my mind, as if I was telling myself to take the leap. I could almost feel her soft hands, and yet we were still separated by fifteen centimeters. My heart raced, as if edging me to let the attraction, the gravitation, take a hold of me, take control of my hands.
I left class that day taking my normal commute home. Take the 1 Train to 59th Street Columbus Circle, take the B to 7th Avenue 53rd Street, then the F to Jamaica 179th Street. Physically I was on my commute, but in its entirety, my mind was still locked in that classroom, next to her, feeling that force. I had never felt such a tangible attraction to a person, and I wondered what that meant.
