Storm of Bells

28. The Wonderful Virtues of Women

'Sahib? Sahib? I heard shouts from up here! What is—?' The door flew open, and Karim stormed inside—only to come to an abrupt halt and cover his eyes with both hands. 'Kuthay da puthar!'

'Actually, I'm a human female,' I said, pulling a blanket over me. 'Which, by the way, should have been pretty much evident. I'm not that badly endowed, thank you very much.'

'I humbly beg your pardon, Sahib!' Karim groaned, his eyes still covered, and bowed deeply to the bedside table. 'May my eyes burn! I would never have...if I'd known...!'

'You beg his pardon?' My eyes narrowed. 'Excuse me! Whose bits exactly were you gawking at? Does my dear fiancé have anatomic attributes I haven't noticed so far?'

'Pardon granted, Karim,' Mr Ambrose answered, completely ignoring me. A familiar muscle in his cheek was twitching. 'These are...special circumstances.'

'Yes, Sahib. I heard shouting from upstairs and thought...' He turned his head left and right, apparently convinced he'd be able to detect villainous intruders merely with his finely tuned bodyguard ears. 'Is something wrong?'

'That depends.' Mr Ambrose sent me a look that made me wish for a thicker blanket. Or maybe a rock or two to hide under? 'Would you call the woman you are intending to bind yourself to for life stabbing you in the back "wrong"?'

'Oh, get over yourself!' I waved his words away. 'I was going to tell you. I was just going to wait until you had gotten over the, um...well...'

'...gaggle of prostitutes invading my home?'

'Ah, yes. That.'

'Three prostitutes that you plan to have as your bridesmaids?'

'Um...yes.'

Karim's arms fell limp to his side.

'Three what as what?'

I turned to smile at him. 'Oh yes, I forgot. I believe you already know Carol and Jenny.'

'What? How dare you insinuate such infamy, woman! I would never associate with—'

'Try thinking back a few weeks ago. You know, that time I went to an establishment in the East End and you insisted on coming with me for some reason?'

For someone whose face was as dark as tropical wood and covered eighty per cent in bristly hair, Karim did an impressive job of blushing like a maiden on her wedding night.

'I accompanied you solely to protect you!'

'I'm sure.' I winked at him. 'That's why you ended with those three lovely young ladies. They probably were a danger to me.'

'Sahib!'

'Yes, Karim?'

'Permission to strangle?'

'Not quite yet, Karim.'

I sent the bodyguard a magnificent smile. 'Did I mention that Carol and Jenny will both be needing a date to the wedding?'

Karim's face swiftly changed colour again.

'Enough of this!' Mr Ambrose's cool voice cut through the air. 'We have a much more pressing matter to discuss. Dalgliesh.'

Karim's head jerked around. 'Dalgliesh is here? Allah be prai— um, I mean, horrific! Terrible! What has he done, Sahib?'

'He—'

Mr Ambrose hadn't gotten out more than that one word when a knock came from the door. Roughly half a second later, it popped open, and Amy stuck her head inside.