Storm of Bells

24. Maids Made by Makeover

Have you ever had your manor house invaded by a gaggle of prostitutes right before your wedding?

No?

I feel sorry for you. Something is missing in your life.

'Up! Up with ye! The early girl catches the earl!'

Groggily, I half-opened one eye, spying Amy at the bottom of my bed. 'He's a lord, not an earl,' I croaked.

'Even more reason to get up early. Move yer butt, girly!'

Groaning, I was about to slip out of bed when Amy's friends wandered into the room, gazing around with big eyes.

'Ehem.' I cleared my throat. 'This is a bedroom, in case you didn't notice. A little privacy, please?'

The three exchanged looks.

'Why?' Amy asked, curiously.

I gazed at them, wiggling my eyebrows meaningfully. Not one of them got the meaning. But then...why should they? They had probably wandered into more bedrooms in their lives than I could count, and seen a lot more than the fascinating view provided by my generous derrière.

Sighing, I climbed out of bed and slipped behind a modesty screen painted with flowers and birds. It took the three girls about five seconds to glance around the screen.

'What's dis?' Cora asked, tapping the screen curiously.

'It's pretty!' Full of admiration, Jenny glanced at the birds and flowers. 'But what's da point of it? 'aven't ye noticed 'ow it blocks the view? Nobody can see ye while you undress, ye know.'

'You don't say. I never noticed.'

'Glad I could 'elp.' Jenny continued studying the pretty birds and flowers. Amy, meanwhile, seemed to be more intent on studying me. Critically.

'Do you mind?' I inclined my head meaningfully towards the door.

'Yes, quite a bit actually.' Scrutinizing me through narrow eyes, she marched around me. 'Please tell me dis ain't 'ow ye intend to get married.'

'Naked? No, I had been planning on keeping that for later in the night.'

Cora nodded wisely. 'Good plan.'

Jenny chewed on her lip, thoughtfully. 'I don't know. I always found dat keepin' clothes on during foreplay ain't workin' well for me.'

I turned to Amy. 'Those two do know what a wedding is, don't they?'

'Hm...' She scratched her chin. 'I ain't really sure. I meant to explain it on the way 'ere, but maybe I forgot.'

Looking around at them, I took in a deep breath—then focused on Amy, the leader of this little invasion.

'So...why are you really here? What do you want?'

'Glad you asked.' A grin spread over my friend's face. 'Your dear future mother-in-law took me aside yesterday...'

'Oh God, no.'

'...and she was kind 'nough to tell me that she would be takin' all of us shopping this mornin'. She said all expenses would be taken care of, and she wouldn't take no for an answer.'

'Did you at least try to give her a no for an answer?'

'Of course not! Do I look daft?'

'Should I answer that honestly?'

'Oh, shut your gob! And get dressed, will ye?' Striking a pose, Amy flicked her hair over her shoulder. 'I've got places to be. I'm gonna go shoppin' with a marchioness.'