Life

4.Trying

Something happened. I was at work and I was thinking about why he wasn't taking any action. And since I am a pretty confident girl, I thought maybe I could start a conversation.

Our other conversations have been about unimportant stuff, like work food or music and always very short, because we never seem to have break ar the same time. And until then he was always the one starting the convos. So this time I asked him about how he is doing.

So I asked him how he is doing and guys...I have to cringe so bad when I think about what happened.

He looked so startled when I asked him that. Like: "Why is this B trying to make conversation with me?" Or at least that's what I think it looked like. And then I told him I can't wait to be finished in a few days since it's almost the end of August and I don't have to work full time anymore. He looked so startled. He asked me: "Why, cause of school?" I am 20. I finished school two years ago dumbass. I was mad.

So I don't tell him why, I just told him that I am only working full time until the end of August.

How did he not notice that I normally only work sundays there? How can you be interested in someone and not know such a little detail? I don't know.

So there goes my hope. I am dumb for thinking he could like me. Do you know HOW MANY beautiful girls come here every day? And for me to think he could like me next to THOSE girls? Yeah, no. He probably already has a girlfriend anyway and is just super cute with every girl.

He did try to talk to me after that two times but I didn't. I was so hurt. I am so hurt.

And that's why I am trying and not doing. I am trying to look out after myself but I am not succeeding.

Why do all this bad things have to happen back to back? Can I have a little break please?

I have so many people around me. A big family with 7 people including myself. Many very good and close friends. We hang out almost everyday. I am good with my family too, we don't fight and have many laughs with each other every day.

And yet...I feel so lost. So alone. So confused. I feel like I don't have controll over my life. And that's such a bad feeling, I never wish that feeling upon anyone.