It's August. Everybody is having fun, living their best life. I have been working full time since July until the end of August so that I can distract myself from the failure that my life is.
It's kind of working, right?
And like many stories on wattpad this one too, starts with a crush. Or wait. Is it starting? I don't know since I am only living it as you read.
There is this guy at work who's been on my mind alot. He has been sending me mixed signals.
It all started when he stalked me on Instagram and then didn't follow me. I was hurt but also a little bit happy, flattered. Good looking guys don't just stalk me, I am not THAT kind of girl. Never was, never will be. But he did. The feeling of hurt was overruled though so I started ignoring him when I saw him at work every Saturday.
Now, since I have been working full time I am seeing alot of him. And he is real cute and funny, also a gentleman. Love THAT combination, right? I don't have a problem talking to guys, but as soon as I like somebody a little bit more I start forgetting forming sentences. Which is kind of funny and unbelievable, if you knew me.
So he has given me chocolate two times now. Is that a good sign? He makes eye contact alot. Tries to talk to me every chance he gets. Makes jokes as soon as I'm near him so that I laugh. But he hasn't tried getting my number, nor my instagram/facebook. What if I am overthinking all of this.
What if I am one of those people who mistake being polite for flirting ?
Guys usually don't take this long to jump into action.
I look in the mirror and all I see is a 20 year old who has let herself go.
How would ANYBODY ever want to be involved with me? Or wait, maybe I should rephrase. HOW could I let anybody near me when I myself feel so disgusted by me.
I am ashamed of myself, always asking myself how did I let it get so far? But never doing anything against it.
Because it's a damn circle. You feel bad about yourself? You eat? You feel disappointed in yourself for giving up that easily? You eat more.
Hate what I have become. This person with no control over my sub conscious.
Control is key.
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Life
De TodoYou never thought that life is gonna be this way? Your jobs a joke, your broke, your love life is D.O.A. It's like your always stuck in second gear. When it hasn't been your day, your month and even your year...who is there for you? #struggle #quot...
