Living with Voices

Chapter 5

Chapter 5 (2019)

In the spring of 2019 an IT reseller out of Philadelphia needed a solutions architect in their Pittsburgh office. Lucky for me they were a Hewlett Packard Enterprise Shop and they were looking for a Master ASE to join their team. They extended me an offer and around mid-February they invited me out to Philly to stay for a week. With the exception of the fan in the bathroom at the hotel, I had 2 weeks of silence from my voices. I felt normal again. But again, this assignment would be short-lived. My voices came back after their 2 week hiatus and on my first drive into the Pittsburgh office they fucked with me once again. Ironically once I entered the office they would let up and I could do my work.

Part of the deal of my employment was that I could work from home if there was nothing going on in the office. At this point in time, there really were no customer site visits planned for the foreseeable future so I spent a large majority of my time studying for the new Master ASE exam and waited for customer site visits to be scheduled. While I passed my Master ASE exam and renewed my certification the lack of customer base eventually did me in. When I was in the office I would sneak out to my car for a smoke break and it was at that point my voices would fuck with me in a low tone. When I would work from home a similar tone was used but they always made it known that they were around. In hindsight, I didn't enjoy the job much anyway. There were too many toolsets to be used to configure the equipment and I just didn't have it in me to learn all the tools and deal with my voices at the same time.

7/15/2019

While I have some money saved up I decided to pick up a part-time job at a local amazon logistics warehouse. It was going well for the 1st 2 weeks but then my voices decided to step in. As I worked the assembly line they would call me a "Fagot Motherfucker" in a very loud tone in my head. It would last about 30 minutes or so and then they would fade into the background while they continued to call me a fagot. I got frustrated, took a few days off, and then handed in my resignation once again.