The Winter Soldier

PTSD Meeting

"I feel like I've been kind of happy for months in public; but for some reason when I get home...all I can think about is whether I should join the field missions again. I missed the thrill that I get but I'm....afraid." She admitted. "Last time was a close call; who knows about the next time? I hate hearing my co-workers coming back and telling me about their missions, the action that happened... Because it makes me want to get back out there even if it risks my life."

"That's what its all about right?" Sam asked her although it seemed rhetorical.

Elise sat in the chair with one leg crossed over the other. "And, maybe that's it. But, I'm not completely healed. Even after eight years being in closed spaces brings me back to when I was in a glass cage being tested on."

"You spoke about that before." Sam noticed. "Your experience with the cages.... You said it would have been worse if it wasn't for someone being there."

She hesitated, almost like she forgot that she told them that. It was a thought she tried to forget since she knew that she wouldn't see that person again. That person was probably dead. Clearing her throat, her looked down at her lap and started fiddling with her glove-covered fingers. "Yeah. Um- there was someone in the cage next to me. He couldn't remember his name; so I named him Steer...or Star, sometimes, for obvious reasons. We fell in love in a hopeless place." She took a deep breath as she felt tears burning her eyes but she blinked them away. "I was happy even through what we were going through. Phil Coulson helped us escape but not long after he was taken." She explained as her voice filled with remorse and sadness. "I think it pains me because I'm not even sure if he's alive or not. But, deep down inside tells me that he is and I know that I can never be truly happy again."

It was quiet as Sam stared at her for a moment, not knowing how to respond. He, then, blinked a few times. "Some stuff you leave there, other stuff you bring back. It's our job to figure out how to carry it. Is it gonna be in a big suitcase or in a little man-purse? It's up to you."

A female war veteran went after her, giving her an update on her life as Elise turned around in her seat to give the woman who full attention. After the meeting ended Steve waited for Sam as he finished saying goodbye to the veterans and Elise. She grabbed her purse as she spoke to some of the other veterans with a smile on her face.

Sam walked out of the room to see Steve standing there. "Look who it is. The running man."

"Caught the last few minutes of Elise's story. It's pretty intense."

"Yeah, brother, we all got the same problems. Guilt, regret."

They watched the door as Elise stepped out, talking and laughing with the female vet who spoke at the end. "You lose someone?" Steve asked him.

"My wingman, Riley. Flying a night mission. Standard PJ rescue op, nothing we hadn't done a thousand times before, till RPG knock Riley's dumb ass out of the sky. Nothing I could do. It's like I was up there just to watch."

"I'm sorry."

"After that, I had really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?"

"But you're happy now, back in the world?"

"Hey, the number of people giving me orders is down to about zero. So, hell, yeah. You thinking about getting out?"

"No. I don't know. To be honest, I don't know what I would do with myself if I did."

"Ultimate fighting?" Steve laughed. "It's just a great idea off the top of my head. But seriously, you could do whatever you want to do. What makes you happy?"

He looked at Elise who was making her way over to them. "I don't know."

She walked up with a soft smile on her face. "Steve, I'm surprised you showed up."

He nodded his head. "Yeah, me too." He said before a thought crossed his mind. "You told them about the cages?"

She looked down at her shoe for a second. "Yep."

"What about boundaries?"

"Oh, believe me. She didn't open up until two months of coming." Sam told him. "And, even then, she was telling bare minimum of information. But, just a few months ago, she started opening up more."

"Steve, I knew you for no longer than a week. Barely even that." She told him. "I can hardly trust my dad, let alone you." She glanced over to Sam before looking at Steve. "Sam's my friend. He's a cool guy. I felt comfortable enough to tell him, knowing he won't judge."

"I wouldn't judge you."

"We come from a different time, Steve." She patted his arm. "Just because I don't trust you that much, doesn't mean I won't have your back." Then, she turned around and walked away. She walked out with the female war vet as she promised her a ride home. The two men watched her as she walked out.