The Girl Who Killed Half the Universe | marvel [3] ✔

TWO

CHAPTER TWO
' THIS ISN'T LOVE. '

When Stark first stepped into the room, his eyes found the plain painted walls and the mesh-covered windows. Ash sat on an L-shaped sofa, legs crossed and a pair of wireless headphones on her head. She clutched a thin phone-like device, gaze focused on the ground. Glancing at the nurse behind him, he nodded in thanks as she handed him an alarm.

His grip tightened on it before he stepped fully into the room.

The nurse moved past him and lowered to a crouch before her. "Ash?" she called, causing her gaze to break from the ground. "You have a visitor. Do you want me to look after your music while he's here?"

She was silent before pulling her headphones off her head and handing them to her.

"Thank you." She rose and turned to move past Stark again with a smile. The nurse closed the door behind her and left them.

"Hey, Ash," he greeted softly, sitting on the sofa but leaving some distance between them.

Her eyes flickered up to him, but she made no inclination to reply.

"What happened to your mixtape?"

"They won't let me have the wires for my headphones," she finally responded, voice off-pitch before it got used to speaking again. "Mixtapes don't work wirelessly."

Stark shifted and cleared his throat. "They, uh, they told me you're doing better. That's good, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I think my doctor changed the medicine."

They fell into silence again. Ash looked down, and she began to fiddle with her trouser leg.

"You never know they might put you back on grounds leave."

The corners of her lips twitched. "I hope so. The ward garden smells like piss." Ash glanced at him briefly. "How's Morgan getting on?"

Stark smiled before glancing at some of the displays. "She's doing well. I have some pictures, if you- do you wanna see them?"

"I would," she replied, unfolding her feet and moving to sit closer to him.

Stark pulled out his phone and glanced at her. Ash smiled softly at the pictures of the child. Stark began to relay the stories behind the photos: their adventures at the beach and farm. "You'd love her," Stark finished, glancing at Ash, who still stared at the pictures with a small smile. "She reminds me a lot of you."

She glanced at him as he put his phone away. "That's a good thing, I hope."

"She's mischievous but intuitive. She's got a lot of potential."

Ash nodded before looking away. "Maybe one day I can meet her."

Stark nudged her shoulder. "Hey, of course, you will. Think positively."

She scoffed softly. "You sound like my doctor."

"Sorry." Stark winced. Ash shook her head but didn't look back at him. His head whipped up as a shrill alarm sounded, but she didn't react as sharply. Her gaze flickered to the door, and a simple sigh escaped her.

"Don't worry," she replied with nonchalance as she got to her feet and moved to the mesh window. "Someone's just pulled an alarm." As if on cue, heavy footfall passed the door. Ash slid the window open as much as it would allow and let the breeze blow through the room.

"Sounds like the military."

Ash shrugged. "Every free nurse from the other wards comes to help. It was annoying at first. It's just background noise now." She sighed heavily. "Then again, I can't complain. It's been me a few times. No doubt it'll be me in the future."

Stark stayed silent at her words, and Ash stared out the mesh window.

"How's the team getting on?"

"Steve and Natasha are still living at the compound-"

"-Together?" She glanced at him over her shoulder.

"Who knows? I doubt it. We both know Steve's still hung on Peggy."

Ash hummed.

"Thor's still living in... Norway? I think it's Norway."

"Tønsberg," Ash confirmed. "It's Norway."

"Banner... well, apart from labs, we don't hear much from him."

"Labs? What's he doing?"

"Honestly? I'm not sure. Barton is still AWOL, but Nat's looking for him."

The corner of Ash's lips rose, but she didn't comment on the singular person in search of Barton. She wasn't surprised.

"They said you get bored a lot."

"There's only so many puzzles at this place."

"That why you tried to abscond?"

Ash looked down but didn't say anything. "If you came to scold me, you can fuck off."

"I'm not scolding you-"

"-Sure sounds like you are," she snapped, but she didn't turn to face him. "You don't have a fucking clue what it's like to be here. Passing days hour by hour with nothing to do but 'think about how you feel' and get better. Well, I'm not getting fucking better!" She finally looked at him. "I will never get better! The only thing that will ever make me better is getting everyone I lost back, which will never fucking happen!" She suddenly stopped and inhaled sharply.

"I know," Stark responded. "But the reason you're here is because you didn't deal with it the right way. You're here so you can, in a healthier way. These people can help you, Ash."

She bit her lip and shook her head. "I'm just so tired." Ash fell onto the sofa and dropped her head into her hands. "The only reason I'm here is because other people want me to. Why won't you let me go?" She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I don't want to be here anymore."

Stark exhaled. He hadn't moved from where he originally sat.

"I feel like an old dog that someone keeps alive because they don't want to lose it. Even when it begs for them to end its misery. They prolong its suffering because they love it. This isn't love. It's torture. Why can't I choose when I step off?"

He shook his head. "You're sick, Ash. You're not dying."

She smiled. It looked peculiar with the tears and desperateness in her eyes. "No, I'm a corpse. I died a long time ago."

Stark sighed and looked at his hands. "A lot of people care for you, Ash."

Ash scoffed. "Well, they don't have a good way of showing it."

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't seen anyone else since... since I got here. You and Natasha are the only visitors I've had. Don't say things to make me feel better when they're not true."

"Things must be busy for them," Stark tried to reason.

"Then clearly, I don't matter enough to make time," Ash finished. Her tone wasn't judgmental. It was nonchalant like she was relaying a fact to prove her case. "I appreciate you coming to visit me, Tony. Maybe next time we can walk on the grounds." She stood, and he followed suit awkwardly.

"Ash, I do care about you. You know that, right?"

She moved and opened the door for him. "Of course I do."