Not okay anymore (Dani Cimorelli)- completed

Chapter 1

Dani's POV

Ugh I hate my life, I hate myself.

"Dani, are you okay?" Lisa asked I had been sitting on my bed just thinking for an hour now. I was thinking back to when I started feeling like this and I realised this is how and when I started feeling like this.

*march 7th 2014*

We are filing a video today, I got up at 8 am

I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, something was different. Bad different. I didn't feel pleased with the way I looked. I just shrugged it off and got into the shower. I got out the shower got changed and put on make up but no, I wasn't pleased no matter how well I did my make up. Usually when I do my make up that well I'd be really pleased. But it's not the same.

"Dani! It's 9:30! We have to go!" Christina called me, wow I've been here a long time. I was sat in my room doing my make up then looking at my ugly face in despise.

*that night*

It's 1 am I can't take it anymore, worst day ever. I've been trying to be happy, to be myself. I just can't. I did what I never thought I'd ever even think if doing. I cut. Across my waist so no one would find out, I used a razor.

I went back to bed and slept till 8:30 the next morning

"Dani, you slept in you have to do your school work!" Lauren said, I sighed and got up.

*5 months later*

I've been cutting for 5 months now, I can't help it anymore.

It was 3 in the afternoon I was in the bathroom yes I was cutting again I walked into my room once I was done but I forgot to do one thing which was surly the worst mistake of my life, it took about one of the most important things to me.

I sat on my bed for about 5 minuets but then Lauren walked in with a confused, slightly upset look on her face. She looked at me with her mouth slightly open "d-do you know anything about the r-razor in the bathroom"

Oh no I thought

"I'm sorry Lauren. It's been 5 months, everyday...i-I can't" I ran downstairs

"Dani" Lauren followed me, I continued out the door

"Dan!" Lauren shouted, I could see some of my siblings looking at us a bit confused

"Danielle Nicole! Please just come back and we can just talk! Only want to help!" she said as I ran across the road and down the street I need to be alone. But then I heard a ear piecing scream that I surly knew. Lauren. I turned around to see my older sister and best friend, my sugar. Lying in the road, lifeless.

"Lauren!" I cried kneeling beside "I'm so sorry. I'd do anything to go back to minuets ago and just talk, I'm so stupid" I whispered her

"Dani, you not stupid you never will be. I love you and I love Mom, Dad, Mike, Chrissy, Kath, Lise, Ames, Al, Chris, Nick, Joey" she hardly whispered with such force then her eyes closed for the very last time.

"We love you too" I sighed years streaming down my face

"Oh gosh what happened?!" Christina said running out beginning to cry

"Lauren's dead and it's all my fault!" I cried. My sisters all walked out after her.

"Yeah it is" Katherine said I was shocked to hear it from her

" if it weren't for Lauren chasing you she'd be here alive" Amy said, everyone was crying but Kath and Ames had this look when ever they looked at me, despise.

"Hey you kids get out the road" a man stumbled out the car that just hit Lauren. Drunk.

"You just killed my baby sister!" Christina screamed like never before

The man fell to the floor and fainted

My brothers and parents ran out looking really shocked and worried even more when they saw us. In just a minuet the family was nothing like ever before, unhappy and broken hearted. People had began gathering but I didn't care I just sat stroking my sugar's hair it was still so silky and wavy, she still looked so beautiful ghostly pale or not.

Then she was taken away which was the hardest moment of my life

"I'll always love you, see you up there one day, I'm so sorry" I whispered to her before Lauren's body was carried away.

*a little later*

I sat in my room on Lauren's old bed it was 11 at night. Lisa lay next to me we had been talking and comforting each other through it didn't help me as much as it did her but now Lisa had fallen fast asleep she she rested her head on my arm. Amy and Katherine don't want me around anymore and that's for sure. It's summer holiday for sure the worst year of my life.

I just want Lauren back so badly