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I... I can't... is he... no he can't be. I squeezed the hand I was holding against my cheek and pulled his arm closer to my rib cage, pressing my lips into the palm of his hand. Dread can't be dead. It's fucking Dread we're talking about for fucks sake. That horrific tone continues. I open my eyes slowly as I force myself to breathe. He looks... peaceful.
     "Dread," I hear my voice whisper against his hand. I don't feel my lips moving. "Dread wake up handsome, cmon." I shake his shoulders, his head lolls back and forth with each movement. My breathing shallows as panic and dread set in. "Dread, don't do this to me. Don't live up to your name. Please Dre..." a sob cuts me off. I can't breathe at this point. My ears are ringing, I attempt to cover them to block out the noise. I lay on his chest, pulling his hand down with me and attempt to calm down. Please beat. Please move. Do something. Anything just... do something I mentally scream at his heart, at his lungs.
I take a deep shattered breath, inhaling is scent. There's a faint scent of some type of wood and something... fresh. Like garden rain almost. I laugh. You smell so good still. So... familiar. So... homey.
"Live damnit. You're supposed to live. I should be dead. It should be me. Me!" I scream as I close my eyes and nuzzle into his still warm, lifeless body. I can't hold it any longer, this pain. "You were supposed to be the one to live Dread. You and the girls, you three were supposed to live. You were gonna get clean remember? You were gonna get clean and get your revenge, for Dzai. For all of them, your revenge would be for all of them. You were supposed to live and succeed. You were all supposed to live succeed. Come back and fucking live damn it." The girls are against the wall still... I think. I... I don't know anymore. All I know is this pain, this sorrow, this... emptiness.
     I wouldn't see his cocky smile when he would sober up anymore. I wouldn't see the pride emit from him saying he was clean again, that he wanted to remember the little things anymore. I wouldn't see the way his eyes lit up when he saw a shooting star or hear his smooth voice whisper "make a wish pretty boy. I'd tell you mine but then it won't come true" anymore I wouldn't feel his warmth emanating from his hand as he'd sneak it into mine and silently promise he'd stay cleaner longer this time anymore. I won't hear his soft laugh as he'd pull me into him and whisper "this is why I get clean. I get clean for you. To remember you Fear. To remember all your little details. I wanna remember you. I wanna remember how much I love you" anymore. I wouldn't feel him anymore.
     I start screaming... I think. It's hard to tell. Everything hurts so damn much. The ringing in my ears, the burning in my throat, the anger boiling in my chest. Someone's pulling me off of him. No. He's still warm. What the fuck do you think you're doing? I try my damnedest to fight them off, to get back to him. I sense Angeline. I look over as she waves them off, the nurses. So these are the ugly bastards that took me away. She doesn't say anything but offers a kind smile and holds out her arms.
     "I love him Angeline. So much I would die for him. Hell, I'd kill for him." I whisper into her shoulder.
     "I know sweet boy. It killed them both too. It killed my Calliope and our darling Akoda too, that damned Soot. It does nothing but kill and take and harm. I know sweet boy... I know..."
     She lets me scream. She lets me cry. She lets me clutch into her shoulder for stability and support despite leaning on a walking stick. She lets me feel.
     "Please. Please let me stay with him. He needs me. He wants to get clean. Please" I beg her in a squeaky voice. In all honesty, I need him more.
     "Absolutely sweet boy. Come. I'll have someone lay some cots in his room for you three alright?" All I can do is nod. I've forgotten about the girls. I wonder if they've noticed, if they heard the dull drone of the monitor... if they knew Dread was...