Carved

CHAPTER 5

ELLA

Please, don’t get any closer. 

I awoke to the sound of the doorbell ringing.  When I turned on the light I see Becker next to the bed half naked.  I asked him to stay the night, only if he slept on the couch. He was drunk and I didn’t want him to drive home.  I also didn’t want him in my room. I'm still furious at him from earlier. He must know the way I feel by the way he grabs his neck where I nearly choked him earlier by twisting his shirt.  How dare he call me a slut and threaten me?

After seeing Dylan I needed some time alone to fume.  I needed to forget. I don’t want to be hurt by him again.  I convinced myself I wanted to be with Becker. At least I thought I did.  The way he acted tonight disappointed me. He was embarrassed by the way I acted on stage.  I was embarrassed by the way he pulled me aside in front of everybody. He was lecturing me like a child.  He said I was acting like a slut! I know he was drunk and it couldn’t have been easy sitting at a table with Dylan, my ex.  That’s the only reason I let Becker off as easily as I did. He has a lot of groveling to do before I forgive him. However, tonight, I need for him to keep a distance.  I don’t want him to make it worse.  

“Oh come on Ella.  The couch is uncomfortable.  You have a perfectly large bed with enough room for two.”

 “Becker, I told you not tonight.  You are drunk. It’s best if you sleep on the couch.  I don’t want to argue with you.”

“I can’t even sleep next to you?  Is this because of Dylan?” His face begins to turn red with rage.  “You’re my girlfriend, not his. You’re too good for him, Ella. You’re too good for me too, but he’ll hurt you.  What’s sad is that I used to look up to him and Dex. They were like my heroes. Everybody made fun of me for being a skinny little math dweeb.  I thought Dylan and Dex had everything. Girls were always swooning all over them because they were the good looking and talented jocks. I wanted to be just like them.  Now I see the way they are towards women and I want to be nothing like them. It’s all about sex, drugs, women, and booze. Let’s not forget Rock and roll. That’s all it is.”  

He starts pacing the floor but he’s still watching me.  I have never seen him so upset. I can still smell the alcohol drifting from his breath and pores.  I become alert and watchful of his anger.

“Out of all the people, Ella,” He rubs his face in frustration.  “Do you think Dylan will ever care about you? You’ve seen the news reports.  He uses women. He’s a man-whore. He’s not the same boy you knew when you were young.  He forgot all about you, Ella. Did you know he was going to marry somebody else? He was madly in love and probably still is.  Bought the ring two years ago. The girl died before he could ask her. I’ve seen the ring he was going to give her. He told me himself that she was the one.  He doesn’t give two cents about any other women so don’t get your hopes up.”

Becker grabs his shirt from the floor and puts it back on while he stares at me.  I have tears falling from my eyes. I don’t know if I’m crying because he was yelling at me or because I know he’s right.  Dylan’s not the same and I don’t know if he ever will be the boy next door. Dylan was in love with somebody else. He was going to marry somebody else.  The pain of Becker’s words hit me like a wrecking ball. The aftermath was a pile of heartbreak and wreckage. Everything inside me destroyed like the results of that night.  Words coming back again and again to haunt me, “Stop!  It hurts!  Please. Please, stop hurting me.”  

Becker sighs loudly and my eyes shoot up to him again.  He walks towards the door and holds the doorknob, but doesn’t twist.  I know he wants me to stop him or say something. I have no words for him right now.  I just want to be alone. When he opens the door I see Whisper standing there with a large basket.