Carved

CHAPTER 9

ELLA

We’re still soul mates?

 Soul mates don’t leave each other for years, never calling.  You don’t abandon your soul mate during time of need and go out to party and sleep with numerous amounts of women.  ‘It doesn’t matter how many others there have been’, really? Is that supposed to make me feel better? I’m supposed to overlook all the other women.  Why does he make it sound like being a virgin is a bad thing? How can he leave that as the last thing he says before falling asleep? The last thing I can do is sleep while thinking about how many women he has slept with.  He’s figured out I am a virgin and chuckles at it. I wonder if Whisper or one of the girls told him tonight. I wish I could shake him awake. Maybe slap the sleep out of him.

I can’t believe I was seriously thinking about taking him back.  He was so adorable when he was struggling with the blanket on the couch.  And I did want to kiss his cut and make it better. My heart was pounding when I saw him in his boxer shorts and no shirt.  I also saw the tattoo that covered his arm. The black and white ink covered the old scars he had from his childhood abuse.  A tree. Our tree. I also knew it wasn't drawn on there today to match mine. He had that done long ago.

I almost reached out to him to pull him on top of me in the bed.  It was so hard to fight the urge. I was going to tell him that Becker and I broke up that first night Dylan walked into the pub with his friends.  I decided to wait until he was sober. I’m glad I waited now. Boy was that close. I don’t know what I was thinking.  

I wanted to be at the bar with them tonight.  The restaurant Becker and I went to was across the street from Duck’s.  I was facing the window looking at the entrance of the bar as Becker talked about his accounting job.  I would nod a few times, but my attention was elsewhere. His work usually interests me because he speaks passionately about it.  Well, maybe not his work but the way he glows when he talks about it. He really enjoys his job. He never noticed that I was bored or that I would hide my yawns.  I was there to talk about us. I needed to make sure he understood where we stand. We were just friends and he agreed with it, but nearly crossed that line. I knew I hurt him but he nodded silently in understanding.   It was when I finally told him about the New York trip he blew up.  

    “Ella, I’m going to California for a seminar that weekend.  Did you remember? How am I going to win your heart back if you're with him?  I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to be alone with your ex while I’m on the other side of the country.”

    “Beck, we talked about this.  You and I are just friends.”

    “You’re not going!”  He raised his voice and rose up from his seat.

    “Calm down.  It’s a big opportunity for us….”

    “I said I don’t want you to go!”  His nostrils flared with anger.  

    “I don’t care.  We are going. The girls are excited about this.  I’m excited about it. I thought you would be excited about it, for this chance.  Look, Bex. You know I didn't want to hurt you. I came to care about you and loved the times we could talk and laugh.  I don't want to lose that, but only as friends. I told you Dylan and I have a past. I loved him with my whole heart and as much as I tried to deny it, I still have deep feelings for him."  Tears pricked my eyes and I knew I broke Becker's heart.

    “Fine.  Go to your lover boy.  Don’t come crying to me when he breaks your heart,” he yelled and walked out of the restaurant leaving me with an overpriced bill I can barely afford. I’ll have to do more hours at Duck’s or add another hour of guitar lessons to make rent this month.