Rise Up (Jonathan Toews)

30| Rise Up

Ariana

My life has always been a little crazy. From the very beginning I had to be strong as I fought for my life then later on the quality of my life. And it hasn't been easy, rarely has it ever been easy. Because of that I don't know how to take it easy and I always have to be doing something to keep my brain from shutting down. I know all too well what it's like to be stuck in the void of asking too many questions. Sometimes getting a answer is worse than not getting one because it's not the answer you want.

But I still ask because I'm curious and I want to know. I always wonder what others think or say in certain situations because rarely do I have the same opinion as somebody else. I like to learn how others live and think and do as they do.

So I decide to start writing this stuff down for one day, who knows, someone might want to read it. I used to write when I was a kid because I was so awful at expressing myself. I was a only child up until I was 16 so I didn't have my siblings to be with, I was alone and my writing was how I expressed myself. The only way I got my point across was on a piece of paper. And although my communication skills had gotten better since then it was still different written down. I was more open and coherent this way so I thought I could give this a try.

"So it's like a blog" Jon asks over the phone. He was away in Detroit and I was at home starting to pack up more stuff to put in his place. It was a process but I'm hoping one day I'll go over to stay the night and I just won't come back because the thought of actually having to leave my family made me sick.

"Pretty much. People ask me a lot of questions about the accident and about what it's like to date a famous athlete. I figured if you're okay with it I can tell them our story" I say.

"Of course I'm okay with it. I think you have a amazing story and people can be inspired by it just like you inspired me" he claims.

"How did I inspire you" I question.

"You showed me that no matter how hard life hits you it doesn't matter, what matters is that you get up and you keep moving forward. I watched your ass get handed to you time and time and again and you rise up with every opportunity to. Not a lot of people walk out of that hospital after what happened to you, in fact if it happened to anyone else they probably wouldn't have walked out of there. You inspire me to be better every day and now look at me. My team has yet to lose a game in regulation and it's March" he claims.

"I had nothing to do with that" I defend.

"You have everything to do with it. You are a strong girl with intellect beyond comparison and beauty beyond belief. You can be good for a lot of people both big and small. I think you would be really good with a blog" he admits.

"Alright. Then it looks like I'm a blogger" I smile.

"What are you going to talk about" he wonders.

"About Faith, about love, about strength, about being strong enough to face these long days and doing it with a smile on your face. Anything really" I admit.

"I hope I make it in there" he says and I smile.

"Of course. It wouldn't be about me without you" I insist.

"Okay, that's really cute" he laughs.

"I try" I shrug.

We talk for a little while longer for he had to go. I get back to work and I start to think about this blog. I've always been pretty open, but I haven't been vulnerable all that much. That's new to me. But to do this I was to be as open as possible and that meant being vulnerable. I didn't want to lie but I didn't want to hurt anyone either. I just had some stuff to get off my chest and wanted to see if anyone else out there in this big wide world felt that same as me.

So I pull out my laptop and pull up Microsoft word. I look at the blank page trying to figure out what to call this thing. I think and think until I finally get it. I put "Rise Up" at the top of my page and smile. Now we're getting somewhere. I start to write and soon enough it was all done.

"Rise up.

Every morning the sun rises even if you're not there to see it. Every night the sun falls just so it can rise again. Sometimes we have to get knocked down lower than we've ever been before in order to rise up higher than we've ever been. But every time we fall we must rise up and become better than who we were before. Never miss a chance to be someone we want to be because we're scared to do something we've never done.

Everyone struggles with something. For me it's a number of things, my mom wasn't even old enough to drive when she had me and I've never met my real father. I'm over 10 years older than my siblings and I'm more like a second mother to them. I don't take things seriously and I am way too competitive over things that don't even matter. I care too much about what I put in my body and how it looks in response. I've died three times before I've been brought back for what I am hoping is for good. I can't cook to save my life and I want to get into Harry Potter but I feel like I won't get into it like everyone else and I'll feel left out.

We all have our own issues, some bigger than others, but we're all still here because we didn't stay down. We rose up and we got better. We can't control time but we do control what we do with it. We gotta make the hours count instead of sitting there counting the hours. I wanted to start this blog for many reasons, but none bigger than helping people find their strength like I did but without the dying part. To get people to feel strong and therefore live a happier life but not because being strong is their only option. This is the story about how I went from preme baby who shouldn't have lived that long to one of the happiest girls in the world.

Now a lot has to happen for me to get here and I'll explain it, I promise. But for now if whoever reads this takes one thing from this blog, it's that we are so much stronger than we know. And I pray that we never have to find out how much strength we have, but if we do I hope it's enough. Because it does get better but you'll never know that it if you stay down. We have to look deep inside us and realize how nice it is to have the opportunity to rise again.

And should it happen I hope we all rise up."