ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ʏᴏᴜ ➻〚𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙝𝙪𝙞 〛

January 12th

Hey Junnie,

I guess I just wanted to tell you that it's okay, you did nothing wrong, and in my eyes, you could do nothing wrong. After all, if you're reading these letters, I must've passed away at some point, and you now know that I'm head-over-heels in love with you, and it's been that way for a while. Depending at what point in time you're reading this, you may have to recall some memories from a long time ago, but anyway, today's the day I learned that you found someone "special," I suppose.

Earlier today, when our lunch period had ended, I suppose you had left early to take care of something, so I hadn't thought much of it, but while I passed through the football field to take a shortcut to our Calculus class, I saw you.

You were there with Yoon Jeonghan, kissing his cheek and holding his hand like the sweetest, most gentlemanly, kind, and wonderful person you are, Junhui, caring for him like the most idealistic, unworldly boyfriend whom anyone would desire.

My heart broke when I saw you, and I felt like the most worthless, naive person for ever believing that you would think of me more than just Wonu, your geeky, but sweet best friend. But I wasn't mad, and don't ever think that I would be, Jun. I could never be mad at you. It would go against every rule, doctrine, and destiny written for me in the universe.

Though my heart is in shatters, don't think that I'm not happy for you, because I'm overjoyed. Whether Jeonghan is a flame that ends up lasting two weeks or your whole life, I want nothing more than for you to be happy and content with yourself and with your life. And if that means you're most content with me by your side as your best friend and not your boyfriend, I'm more than pleased to fill that spot for you.

After all, your happiness is placed above all else for me, is if you're joyous and loving life, I can't help but be filled with some form of happiness that emanates from you, Junnie, as I can't seem to derive any happiness from my own life. You're the only thing that matters to me, anyway.

Besides, Jeonghan is such a great guy: intelligent, clever, funny, likable, extroverted, and incredibly good-looking. He's basically everything I'm not, and yet I still wonder what drew me to you. Either way, I'm just blessed that you did see something in me and love me unconditionally as your best friend.

I want to establish this though. Those these are post-suicide notes (for lack of a better phrase), I don't want to come off as that creepy, obsessed, suicidal kid who killed himself because he didn't end up with the person he was in love with. It's pretty much the furthest from that "stereotypical" scenario than anything could be, because you, Junhui, are the only reason I'm holding onto life, regardless if we ever end up together.

Yeah, my heart is going to need some recovery time now, but I've braced myself for this moment. It's not like I could expect you to stay single for your whole life until I grew the balls to confess to you; that's just not how life works. Plus, my heart is broken for a completely self-induced reason.

Why? I mean, it'd be unfair to blame any of this on you (which I'd never do anyway, Junnie) when I could very well be taking you on dates, holding your hand protectively, and being the most extra boyfriend with you if I actually manned-up and gained the confidence to tell you how I feel for you. Who knows, maybe you are, or were, in love with me too, and I just blew my chance to ask you to be my boyfriend because I'm too cowardly.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to write this at some point, just because you deserve to know what's going on in my mind sometimes. But really, Junnie, because I love you more than anything, I'm really praying that everything goes well between you and Jeonghan. I swear, next time I see him, I'm going to be that embarrassing best friend and interrogate him to make sure he's willing to treat you like a prince and love you unconditionally. He's a lucky man to have someone as wonderful as you, and he definitely needs to know that as well.

All the love in the world,

Wonwon

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I hope you enjoyed this letter/chapter! Sorry, I didn't post last week, but from now on, I'll try to keep updates consistent.

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See you next week!