ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ʏᴏᴜ ➻〚𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙝𝙪𝙞 〛

February 14th

Hey Junnie,

It's almost midnight in the middle of a school week, and you just left my house about thirty minutes ago, but I'm so awake and full of energy, and my heart's beating out of my chest, so I figured that I just had to write another letter. I don't want this "anthology" of letters to be all depressing and centered around my secrets. Sometimes (but certainly not the vast majority of the time), my life is great, and I just feel so damn happy. You're pretty much the only person who sees me when I'm genuinely happy, and I want you to remember that part of me even when I'm gone.

It's Valentine's Day, and I decided to make this a super special day for you because whenever you're happy and I see your adorable, beautiful smile beaming through all of the pain in my life, my mood immediately lifts and I become happier than anyone else. I swear, the only times I ever feel joy or simply the times when I'm feeling okay are always because of you. I want nothing more in life to make you happy because, I promise, it makes me feel so accomplished when I know I'm the one who made that gleaming smile of yours stretch from ear-to-ear.

If you don't remember while reading this, you broke up with Jeonghan a few weeks before I'm writing this letter. And even though it was a mutual decision between you two and you parted on good terms, your sadness was undeniable, and god, I can't even begin to explain how helpless I felt. I wanted nothing more than to stay by your side and reassure you that everything would end up okay, and that you'd move on and find a lasting love at some point, but you were so inconsolable. My heart broke seeing you wallow around school for a week, a solemn, but downcast expression painting your handsome features as you went through the motions of life without your usual zest and bright flair.

Luckily, you've seemed to be feeling better within the last few days, and I can sense that the smile that graces your faces every now and then is no longer forced and that you've been genuinely feeling happier. You could easily tell that I was worried about you, which is why you tried to smile reassuringly to me for the last couple of weeks, but at the same time, you knew perfectly well that I looked right past that facade. We're best friends, Junnie. You could never trick me because I know you too well at this point.

At least you were feeling a little better today, which is why I formulated a cute, little plan to make your smile just a little bit wider and your laugh a little bit brighter. I'm sure you'll remember what happened whenever you end up reading this note, whether it's in a month or in 80 years because the smile you flashed after I carried out my plan was perhaps the most priceless I've seen from you. I swear, my heart practically flew out of my chest with happy flutters and palpitations being able to experience your joy by your side.

Remember when you opened your locker this morning? The hallways were filled with kissing, lovesick couples, confessions, and though you usually love cute couples and that lovey-dovey shit, your mood was pretty neutral until you saw what was inside. I had left a huge bouquet of vibrant, fresh, blood red roses in your locker along with a handwritten note and chocolates, but of course, what you loved the most was the stuffed kitten I put in there as well. That's my Junnie, all right.

Your eyes lit up like they were harnessing the sun's bright rays, and I swear my heart did a double-backflip and soared away into the sky. You're just too beautiful, Junnie. I swear you have the prettiest eyes, the most jubilant smile, and you exude joy and confidence, which draws all attention to you. I'm certainly captivated by you, no matter what you're doing.

The thing is, you had no idea who the gifts were from, which was intentional. Obviously, you now know, but I specifically decided to keep it anonymous. It was a difficult decision to make, but I didn't want to turn your back on me (which was the worst case scenario), feel uncomfortable or alienated from me, or something else that would impact our friendship negatively if you knew it was me. I just wanted to make you feel as special as you are, and give you something to be happy about, which is why I decided to keep my name out of it.

You came home with me later to study and hang out, and you decided to read my note out loud again while we were sitting on the couch. When you read my note, which was again, anonymous, and in which I confessed my feelings, something ignited inside of you, and you told me that you'd do anything you could to find the man who wrote you the note. Little did you know, that man was beside you the whole time, but again, that's my fault. I felt helpless, fraught between confessing to you right then and there and putting our friendship in possible jeopardy, and

But what tore me apart but gave me new, optimistic hope again, was when you told me, Jun, that you had fallen for the writer of the letter because of his sincerity, and you said this note had to be fate, and that you must've been destined to meet the author of the letter. And you said this all while we were cuddled up together on the couch, so comfortable close practically as if we were lovers, and you told me this almost in a knowingly way, yet I still don't think you were quite aware that I was, in fact, your devoted lover from the Valentine's Day letter.

Although this made me so incredibly excited, as my blood was pumping rapidly through me, my situation was almost pitiful. You and the possibility of your love were so close to me, but yet so far in the sense that there was no way to convince myself to break through my shell, as if we were two humans separated by a thin sheet of glass, but I was too cowardly to endure the risk and shatter the barrier.

Either way, whether friend or lover, you make me happier than anything else, filling me with more purpose than the sheer mass of the Earth, galaxy, universe, and life will ever give me. Maybe, someday, I'll build up the courage to fight for this love instead of retreating from the challenge, but for now, I'm more than content with simply seeing that beautiful smile grace your lips.

Your destined, not-so-anonymous (anymore) lover,

Wonu

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Updates are finally up again for the literal 3 people who read this! Lol, either way, I hope you did enjoy this chapter and are excited that I'll be posting again. 

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Much love! <3