Unto the Shadow (Completed)

(Ch.41) A Maze of Green and Feelings

Ryder painfully clawed her consciousness out of the dark empty hole it had fallen into. She was exhausted, as if her sleep had done nothing to rejuvenate her body or mind. She remembered everything from last night. There had been no nightmares, but then there had also been no reprieve from the revelation either. So many questions had formed in her mind through the night, simply washing in and out like the turning tide. Nothing lingered, but nothing really changed.

She rolled to her side. Hoping to see a mess of blankets draped over a sleeping mass, but Tairin wasn't there. The blankets weren't even mussed, and the decorative pillows still sat perfectly arranged against one another. Even her violent breakdown hadn't been able to affect things on the other side of the bed.

Ryder gently reached out and stroked the perfect sheets where Tairin had slept the day before.

He didn't come, she thought painfully.

She felt her swollen eyes start to burn with the effort of attempting to cry again, but no tears came, her body was empty. She painfully sat up, her body aching from the root of her hair follicles, to the depths of her marrow.

Her heart skipped a beat, when her eyes rose to great the rest of the room. There was a pile of blankets on the velvet couch. Tairin may not have shared her bed, but he had not abandoned her to face the night alone.

With that, she flung the blankets off herself. She had to find him. Whatever she had done, or been a part of before, had nothing to do with who she was now. She had free will and would exercise it. Athos' speech about how the past does not dictate who you are, suddenly made too much sense. He had been hinting at her past life the whole time, but how was she expected to fill in the blank. He was also giving her permission to be who she was, make her own decisions, and that's exactly what she was going to do.

She would not allow these strangers to tell her who she is, or what she wanted. Tairin was her best friend, and so much more. Whereas Graynin was basically a stranger that she wanted to punch in the face at times. And had, oh shit, she thought, that's probably going to bite me in the ass. In her mind the choice was obvious, as for what her gut was trying to say, she simply smashed it down and ignored it. It too would not control her.

She jumped from her bed as best she could, her muscles were extremely tight. There was little evidence of last night's life altering events, except for two large, wet spots, where someone had worked feverishly to remove wine stains from the wood floor where the glasses had danced off the table. She ignored the memory of the earth quivering with her despair, and rage, as it awakened to her will, and pushed on into the kitchen.

Three staff members hushed words immediately stopped. She didn't have to be a psychic to know they had been talking about her. She really couldn't blame them.

"Have you seen Tairin?" Ryder asked the startled group.

A heavy-set woman with mousey brown hair stepped forward. "Good morning Lady Bevinbere. The last we saw Sr. Cosik, he was heading out to the back garden."

The woman's use of Tairin and Ryder's alias showed that the staff was not privy to the details of last night's events, just that some drama had clearly occurred.

Ryder nodded to the woman gratefully, and moved for the half open Dutch doors.

"Milady." The woman called out. "Would you like some fresh biscuits? I was going to bring some out to Sr. Cosik, they had not been done when he came through earlier." The woman held out a basket to Ryder.

Ryder accept the woman's offer. "Thank you." She said, giving her best attempt at a sincere smile. She looked down at its contents, four golden biscuits with two small white dishes containing a generous slab of butter, and the other full to the brim with what looked like blackberry jam.