Reform and Revise

IV

     I woke to the low battery light flashing on my phone. The room was silent. There was no outside noise from either rooms beside me now. The beam of sunlight creeping through the curtains was as unwelcome as a centipede in one's bed sheets. My head hurt, and my eyes felt dry from crying last night.

     Groaning, I rolled over and slowly peeled myself off the bed. I need to go back soon enough. I thought, but as usual, I just brushed off that thought and went to open my phone.

     Dead, of course. What did I expect? I need to shower. I slowly shambled to the bathroom, and stared blankly in the room. One hand towel, one bath towel, and only a bar of soap.

     I don't like washing my hair with bar soap, but what can I do? I smelled bad, and just wanted to feel fresh. I turned on the shower, only to realize that the water pressure sucked arse. Even worse.

     Sighing, I stripped off the borrowed clothes, and stepped into the shower. It was an unpleasant shower, but at least it wasn't enough to hurt my bruises too bad. After getting out, I looked at my gangly body in the mirror. Slightly faded hickeys mingles with both fresh and old bruises, almost hiding the scars from years of abuse.

     I cracked my neck, turning away in disgust. I was surprised that anyone would find me attractive, but my charm was always very good. It had to be, How else would I have remained to long?

     I glanced at my dead phone out of habit to check the time, and decided that I should go back to the dorms. Class had probably already started, so Simon was probably already out of the room, as well as the two other nerds.

     I rubbed at an itch where the burn marks on my wrist were, reminding me of the time I was forced to be an ashtray for my father as he smoked a whole pack away.

     "Hey! Zachary, every noise I hear you get another one rubbed in!" I nodded meekly in response, my wrist was already strapped to the arm of his chair, held at an uncomfortable angle. He put out his cigarettes on my wrist, dropping the butts into my hand, still too hot. I wanted to scream, but instead let silent hot tears run down my face.

     Shaking myself from the memory, I quickly got up and left the room, I dropped the key off at the front desk, paying in cash, and briskly left.

     The day was already unusually sweltering, and I just wanted to return to my room and sleep.

      The trudge back was painful, as my muscles still ached, and my head pulsed from pain, I felt a tad bit dizzy, but chalked that up to the concussion I had earned from my run-in with the rather violent arseholes.

     Once I made it back to the dorms, the hall supervisor took one look at me, and immediately let me go back to my room after I explained that I had a concussion and felt like I was going to hurl all over his freshly polished shoes.

     Flopping down, I almost immediately fell asleep, only being awake long enough to plug my phone in.

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     "What the fuck man!" I awoke to my blanket being yanked off of me by a worried looking Simon.

"Give... back..."

"NO! You had all of us worried!"

"You barely know me, I do this all the time." I grumbled into my pillow, trying to drown him out.

"I'm calling Chris and Derek over."

"No."

     I really was not in the mood to be disturbed right now. I know I was acting like a petulant child, but I just wanted to fucking sleep.

     "No isn't an option." Simon scolded, and I heard a phone on the line ringing. Groaning as loud as my pounding head allowed, I rolled over. "I had a terrible night, just let me sleep." I grumbled.

"Fine, but I'd change if I were you."

"Why?"

"Because you're still in Derek's clothes."

"Shit."

     As fast as I could , I undressed, not missing the sound of a sharp intake of air, no doubt his reaction to the state I was in. Still, lightning fast in my brain, but probably no faster than a slug on a rainy day, I swiftly yanked my blanket back over, hoping that he didn't see too much.

     "Now fuck off, if Derek comes in, give him his clothes, and leave me be, Chris recommended rest while I have a brain injury." Simon looked apprehensive to leave me be, but he knows that he has no authority over me, and he leaves, probably sitting outside the room waiting for Derek to show up.

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     I am interrupted once again in my sleep to Simon entering and muttering lowly to someone else. The hairs on the back of my neck rose as I recognized it to be Derek.

Pretending to still be asleep, I listened in.

"He's asleep so don't be too loud."

"Thanks for my clothes back."

"No problem, man, I'm sorry I couldn't get them washed though."

"Don't bother, it's not like he smells bad or anything, I don't mind."

My cheeks flushed from the complement, and then I realized that I had been played.

"Oh look, he's awake."

     I opened one eye to see Derek looming right above my face. Out of shock I let out a yell, and scrambled back, pulling my blanket tighter around me, being painfully aware that I was only in my boxers.

"Bloody fuck man, you scared me!"

"Sorry, is your head alright?"

"Fuck no, if you keep tormenting me, I'll never get better you bloody arse!"

Derek raised his hands in defeat, and backed up.

"Can I still see your 'ouchies' though, brat?"

"NO!" I yelled, too forcefully, if I'm not careful he could find out more than I desired him too.

"No." I said softer, turning away, too embarrassed by my childlike reaction to look him directly in the eyes.

     He backed away, and said soft thank you's to Simon before leaving the room, leaving me feeling stupid, and Simon feeling awkward.

"Today sucks." I muttered.

"Yea well, no shit." Simon retorted, and leaving to go shower in the dorm showers. Leaving me alone with only my self hatred and pity.

     I sighed, rolling onto my back, and staring at the slightly peeled paint of the ceiling. I closed my eyes, feeling memories flood in one by one

"You stupid boy"

"I'm sorry."

"Can't you do one thing right?!" a beer bottle smashed against the wall near my head, spraying me with bits of glass and the gross liquid. To this day, I have a small scar just under my ear from that.

"I didn't mean to!"

"Didn't mean to my arse! You ruined your shot at a career because you keep shagging that pig faced boy!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Why don't you try selling yourself huh?! Become a whore like your mother!"

"I-I'm sor-"

"Shut up, fag!"

     I quickly shook myself out of the flashback, finding tears dripping down my cheeks, I rolled over and let a sob that felt as large as a school bus rip through me, suffocating me and making crying quietly near impossible.