Reform and Revise

VI

      After I left the cafeteria I rushed to the bathroom to let my dizziness and nausea subside. The thought of being in a relationship made my head swim with anxieties. The bathroom closest to the cafeteria was busy, but I had to throw up somewhere.

     Despite what most people think, the men's restroom can either be a competitive place, or a healing place, surprisingly enough, the guy in the front of line let me ahead when he saw my panicked eyes and hand over my mouth.

"Hey man, you alright?"

     "Fi-" Before the word left my mouth I hurled into the toilet. He ran to my side and looked a bit lost before crouching and awkwardly patting my back as I let breakfast go.

"Damn, dude you need to go home?"

"No- hg-"

"Shit, don't respond, just try to keep you head out of there."

     He, less awkwardly supported my torso to keep me from leaning into whatever the last person who used this toilet left on the seat. "Hey, Axel, meet me back at the front gate after school?" A different guy popped his head into the stall addressing the guy helping me out. "Yea, sure." He responded over his shoulder.

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     "You alright now?" The Axel kid asked. When I was done he escorted me to the front office and sat with me while I recovered. He even gave me his water. "Yea, fine."

     I looked closely at him. His hair was a mess of blonde curls that were styled like a K-pop star's. He had several little bandaids on his face, covering what I assumed were burst pimples, considering the painful looking acne. That spotted his cheeks. He had the classic spotty scruff of a high school senior trying to show superiority, or judging by the dark purple bruises under his eyes, a sign of lack of care. Other than that he'd be considered a very handsome man.

"So why'd you help out?"

"Hm? Well you literally got sick in front of me, I couldn't leave you to that grimy floor."

"Really? No ulterior motives?"

"None, besides, if I got sick like that, I'd want someone to help me."

Deciding that he was telling the truth, I gave him the obligatory nod.

"Did I make you late to class?"

"Yep."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize." He smiled at me, revealing that he had absolutely perfect teeth except for a chip that made one canine shorter than the other.

     "Damn scruff," he muttered, scratching at it for a moment before turning to pick up his beat up backpack. "Why don't you shave it?" I asked. "Can't afford another razer," He said, picking his bag up. "Here's my email, shoot me a message, can't guarantee an immediate response, but I'll respond." He smiled giving me a scrap of notebook paper with an email hastily scribbled on it. As he walked away, he waved.

     It took me a second to realize, he was a scholarship student. He was scraping by to stay in this school, and he still missed class to look after me. I skipped class regularly, and just wasted my dad's money at will, not considering that there was anything different. I sighed, Guess I'm skipping today too. It was easier to skip than explain my absence.

     I left the office and then the gate and headed to the nearest convenience store, getting a pack of face razors, a bottle of water, three cups of instant ramen, and acne cream. I then shot Axel an email.

"Meet me at the front office before school tomorrow."

"I owe him a thank you." I muttered to myself, and paid for the items.

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"You missed school again."

"I did."

"What's that?"

"A thank you"

"For who?"

     "Jesus bloody hell, Simon, what do you want?" I turned to face the tall boy with his legs crossed inspecting me. "A million bucks." He said flatly, before sighing and uncrossing his legs.

     "I saw you with that blond kid. He's a good influence, but don't drag him down. He's my lab partner and I like that A in the gradebook." He turned away from me back to his own desk and continued with his homework.

I sighed, and pulled a textbook out from my bag.

"What are we doing in class?"

"What?"

"I asked what we were doing in class."

"Wait, are you actually going to study?"

"Never-fucking-mind!" I hastily shoved the cursed brick back into my bag, and put on my headphones, ignoring Simon's questioning.

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     I didn't know if Axel read my email, and I didn't check for a response, but I still stood outside the office waiting with the convenience store bag clutched in my hand.

     "Hey man, why'd you want to meet up?" Axel asked approaching me. "I wanted to thank you, here." I handed the bag over to him. He looked at the contents with a surprised expression.

     "You didn't need to, thanks Zach. Oh, sorry is it okay to call you Zach?" He looked apologetically at me. "It's totally fine." I smiled, waving off the sick feeling when I'm called that.

     "Woah, thanks, I'll make it up to you." he reached for his wallet. "No need, it's a thank you." He looked unconvinced. "Well okay, don't hold this over my head later- Oh, HEY DEREK!" He yelled getting distracted by Derek, who was now swiftly walking towards us.

     Fuckity shit fuck! Why him?! "You two know each other?" He asked when he arrived. His glasses had slid down his nose and it annoyed me to no end. "Yea, I totally helped this guy while he was hurling his guts out yesterday." Axel laughed, in a breezy manner.

     Derek looked at me with concern evident in his brow. "Are you alright? You did look pale yesterday, why didn't you tell me?" Great, now I am surrounded by nerds. "I'm always pale, besides I'm pretty sure it was from running with a full stomach." I said, knowing full well that I had barely a bite of anything at lunch.

     "Ok, but next time come to me when you feel sick, you know that Chris is studying medicine, so I picked up a little." He said, the concern had eased, but it was still there, making me feel obligated to agree.

     I hastily made my escape when Axel and Derek shot into a conversation about some dumb academic theory or something. Anyone from the outside would see two nerds having a nerd conversation, but if they looked closer, they would see two old friends who could be on the cover of any model magazine.

     I knew that I shouldn't interfere in their success. I was just a failure of a son and student. My father's words reverberated in my head, making me lean onto  the wall to catch my breath

"Why can't you be more like literally anyone else in this god forsaken world!" My father yelled, he was drunk again

     I shook my head, willing the memory to return back into the dark recesses of my mind. My footsteps were unsteady as I walked to class. My backpack was heavy with the new bricks disguised as textbooks. the cigarette box crushed beneath it all, just in case.

     sorry for abandoning this book for over a year, I hope you can forgive me, but I wasn't in a great place mentally then, and now that I sort of have the time I thought that I'd continue.