Figure it out

Part 8

Louis woke up screaming. He had that dream again. One of the worst. Why couldn't he dream about normal stuff? Louis was covered in sweat and his heart was beating fast. It was four in the morning but there was no way he was gonna be able to go back to sleep. He wished that he could call his mum. He missed her so much. But Jay was no longer with him. Not only had he lost Harry, his mum had died three years ago. Life wasn't fair. The thought about just ending everything came sneaking into his mind, but he had promised his mum to live for the both of them. Well, he wasn't doing a great job honoring that promise. Things had to change. He couldn't continue to walk around like a ghost anymore.

He got out of bed to make himself a cup of tea. He sat down at the kitchen table and the songs that he wrote yesterday were in a pile in front of him. Maybe it was time to write a song about his mum? It could be kind of therapeutic or something. Four hours later he had actually written something down. It felt very raw and honest but also a bit hopeful. Four songs in two days? It seemed like he didn't have writer's block anymore. That surprised him. The song about his mum was actually something he wanted to record even if he didn't think he'd be able to sing. He was exhausted and went back to the bedroom to try and sleep. Maybe he would dream about his mum instead of Harry? Wishful thinking. He drifted away and soon enough the nightmares continued.

Louis ran into their flat. "Haaarry." He found him sitting on the sofa. He looked awful. He was crying and Louis immediately took him in his arms and hugged him hard.

"Where have you been? I've been so worried." Harry shouted between sobs.

"I'm so, so sorry Love. I don't know what happened."

Harry got out of Louis's embrace and glared at him. "Tell me."

Louis started to cry as well. He didn't know what to say, how to explain, but he had to try.

"I, I, God, okay. I was really upset yesterday, going out of my mind when you were out with that girl."

"Why? You know that it didn't mean shit. I love you!" Harry said.

"I just got very insecure. I was so afraid that you would fall for her. She is a fucking model! She is beautiful! And I'm just me." Louis tried to explain.

"Louis, why can't you see that in my eyes you are the most beautiful person on this planet. Haven't I told you that enough? There is no one else, only you!" Harry was really upset.

"I don't understand how you can think that." Louis said quietly.

" You are impossible Louis! But that doesn't explain where you've been?" Harry sounded worried.

"Right. I went out drinking. I got so wasted. I don't even remember the rest of the night." Louis said slowly. Oh, God. He had to confess now.