The Dull Life of a Dungeon Defender

Lunches

"If an army marches on its stomach dungeon guards patrol on their stomach. That being said, watch never ends"- The new employee manual for the Dungeon of the Dark Dragon

"Did you see this new bullshit about lunches?" The relative quiet of the dungeon break-chambers were suddenly alive with my fury. "They want the dungeon guards patrolling every hour on our level. We can't even stop for breaks or lunch on that schedule."

Only a few denizens of the dungeon were here, but they were the only ones I really cared about.

The minotaur we named Min at the far end of the large table adjusted his spectacles and looked up from his book. "I guess they want to make sure adventurers don't sneak in."

"Rogues don't get past level two on their own, we are five levels down. Do they really think adventurers will get past the other levels without being detected at all?" I asked, taking a seat next to the orc named Zark.

"It's the same thing on my floor, " Zark added. "Imhotep the Ancient One thinks every monster that comes through his crypt is an adventurer. Give me a break, they are just on their way to the dungeon market. No one wants to hang out in your dusty crypt."

Min set his book down, "Well at least the Spider-Queen said we can eat any adventurer we stop. So there's that Garn."

"I am not going to eat another human," I replied. "Plus this is dumb. I'm not one of the spiderlings, I am taking my breaks. I'm not like Steve."

"Steve doesn't need to take breaks," Min mocked in his best impersonation of th Spider-Queen. "Steve doesn't need a lunch."

"Isn't Steve one of the skeletons?" Zark asked.

"Yeah he is. Of course he doesn't need a break, he is a skeleton," I added.

Zark looked up from his drink, "have you talked with your floor's guard manager?"

"Yeah of course, but he's a ghost," I said.

Zark chuckled, "I hate when it is a chore to track your boss down."

"No he means he is a literal ghost," Min corrected.

"He always shows up with a 'hey brother, I used to be a guard like you at one point need anything?' and then when you ask for something he just disappears," I stated.

"Also he was a guard, about a hundred years ago," Min said.

Zark laughed, "maybe you should find mushroom goblin, he probably has food."

"I am not going to talk with mushroom goblin anymore than I have to," I replied angrily. "Whatever, they don't want to give me time to eat I will be roasting some spiderling in between patrols. Alright, I have to go. I will see you all later at the barracks..."