he's on my mind

Liam

I could hear him outside my window, hanging from his own windowsill. I knew he was about to call my name, or to bang on the faded siding of my house with his long stick, stained the color of my house from its long years of use. After much anticipation, the cry and the accompanying noise finally broke the silence.

Sliding my window up, I stuck one leg out first, then the other. Sitting precariously on the windowsill was not my favorite place to be, but if it meant I was talking to Liam, any place was my favorite place.

He had been crying. At this point in time, I am most likely one of the only people on this planet that has ever seen him cry, and for some sick reason it makes me feel special. His smooth, tanned skin was stained with streaks.

"Your mom?" I asked him, talking quietly enough so that my parents wouldn't hear, but loud enough so that it was easy for him to understand. He met my concerned glance with a nod. Liam's mom has been living in Pennsylvania, far away, for a few months now. She was diagnosed as depressed a few weeks ago, and now every time they talk on the phone, Liam breaks down. The difficulty of seeing him like this haunts me, but I couldn't bear to think he'd confide in anyone else. "Come over."

Liam pulled away from the window for a second, and I lost sight of him. Suddenly, he reappeared, with a thick wooden plank in his arms. I slid out of the window, and gripped the end of the board that he held out to me. Resting the two ends between our windows, he climbed across and into my bedroom.

I didn't say anything. When this happens, I've learned it's best not to, and to just let him cry and say anything that pops into his head. I wouldn't dare judge him, because that might mean that he would judge me, and if that happened I think my heart would explode. Perched on the edge of my bed, I looked up at him, down at my hands, and back up again, to meet his gaze.

Silently, he walked towards me and layed down, resting his head in my lap. He smelled like pine and body spray, and he smelled like Liam. My favorite smell in the entire world. I ran my hands through his sandy hair, while tears began to come down his face again.

"I just don't understand why it has to be like this, you know? Like my dad thinks it's better if he's here and she's there, but I don't get it. How can she get better if she's alone? How can she get better enough to come back to us? To me?" He began to shake, and I just shushed him and continued running my hands through his hair. Probably the softest thing you'll ever feel.

Footsteps broke the spell that both of us were caught in. Liam's head shot straight up, and we made panicked eye contact. Without making a sound, he ducked and rolled underneath my bed. The door opened, and behind it stood my mom.

"Did I hear something?" She raised her eyebrows, acting as if she had already found me guilty of whatever she expects. Of course she knows how close Li and I are, but that's where her knowledge ends. No boys are allowed in my bedroom. Ever.

I shook my head violently. With another raise of her eyebrows and a small murmur, she turned and closed the door. A small sigh escaped from beneath the bed.

His head stuck out first, and looked up at me. Reaching a hand in my direction, our fingers interlocked and I dragged him out from under. Without uttering another word (he knew better), he had fled back out the window, and across the board. Blinking the purple lamp by his bedside twice as a 'goodnight' signal, the lights shut off. Purple is my favorite color, and red is his. I blink my red lamp twice in response.

✧✧✧

The morning brought cold, and an absence of Li. He'd already left in his mom's car, letting me sleep in late during my morning free period.

Dressing as carefully as I could, I stuck my mother's favorite pearl earrings into my ears. I'd hoped that the first day would allow me to find someone other than Liam to spend my time with... Don't get me wrong, I love Li, but if he and I were only around each other he'd never find his girl, and I'd never find my guy. I can't get in the way of him and his friends anymore either, I needed to find some real girl friends. It's stupid, I know, but it wasn't my plan to be ditched by my best friend last year for the popular girls. If I were her, though, I probably would've done it too. If only I had been as lucky and pretty as her.