GYM VISIONS

Three Months Back

Literally, three months back when things had just started going good for Hrikesh in college finally. He was making friends with all these classmates of his. As he shared their hands and was being introduced o someone or someone else every other day he thought back when he first joined college back in January. He didnt knew much about anything he was a fooled but after 12 he has joined this college thinking that this new town was good and cure his pains and take his pains away.

But for the first 3 months, January February and March went without many friends. He made out with friends who weren't much popular and almost shy like him too. He spent time with them and things weren't much for him. He didnt feel alright anyways.

Even his birthday which was in the starting of April went very bad as he dint have many friends and nobody to wish him even. And one of those two friends forgot it was his birthday and didnt even come to college. Life according to him was hell, pure ruddy hell.

He didnt do shit and life went very bad, until it was the end of April things started changing between them. It was exactly this time that life was changing for the good.
So there was a group in his class, where like 7-10 classmates of his were there and they all looked highly attractive and cool. There were girls, boys and they even heard a trans guy. Nevertheless he always fantasized himself from the starting of college to joining the group itself to be a part of them. But it was in the last days of April that he at a program in this town saw a guy of their group and seeing him alone he befriended him and from there everything he wanted started. His getting a lot, a lot of friends.

Shit started changing after that. From next day onwards that guy called him and introduced to a girl of their group. They shaked hands and all, then another guy, girl, girl, guy. Until by he middle of May he was friends with not only their group but the whole class as he became a part of their group itself.

He hanged out with them and he left those two friends. Not really leave them but one of them stopped coming to college altogether and the other said he changed college and he got other friends. So they were separated either way.

For him, things started improving.

He was invited to their birthdays and their outings, he was popular in no time. He really enjoyed this too. This all he thought was everything he ever wanted. This was the main part of life he thought. This was everything, he believed now. All these months he was merely wasting his time, bidding it, he thought. Being alone or with only one guy who isn't even characteristic. This was what he was born for he thought.
But his castle of fantasies manifested soon broke apart, by the end of June. In fact the whole poplar group broke into two pieces for an argument between two of its members. And the worst thing is he not only wasnt feeling insecure over again but was left out altogether.

He was left out from both of these small groups and nobody cared to call him when they hung out together, in small little groups by now. He was nobody, soon even among them.

Especially among them.

He felt miserable as all his insecurities buried for a month or two returned. In August, after the vacation of July, he was alone completely, no friends. Nothing, nobody calling him. He couldnt even gather that much courage or power to go talk to them, force himself into their conversations knowing this is not what he was. He was desperate sure he felt it but he didnt wanted to show it. He didnt want to give it up. He didnt wanted to force himself on anyone
Nevertheless he thought shit was good. He thought life would happen good again but it didnt. Now it was September and things are basically the same as August. Everything was lost.

He started spending time alone and it was hard. In those August days at first when he was being alone as nobody was there it gave him trauma. Big trauma, he was shocked and it made him panic, anxious, nervous, depressed. You name it.
He felt like his mind is screaming and tho he buried those, with drinks and it temporarily went. Now it was September and often after a few days he had a dream, or those feelings came back to him in low portions. But never in a nightmare before. It was never intense like this time. All those mixed feelings came out. It hit him bad.