Just Us.

JU16.

Giselle Love.

                    "GISELLE can you at least eat something for me?"

"Mommy please just leave me alone." I mumbled not looking at her.

"Juicy.."

"Please." I said a little louder making her sigh and close the door.

This pain that I'm feeling, this regret, and guilt; it's eating at me. My baby, my own baby, I killed it. I killed it being stupid and selfish. I should've went to the hospital like Khalil said, I shouldn't have waited. I blame myself, there's no one to blame but myself. I don't even know who I am anymore, over a little thing wasn't even a human, that I didn't even know but it's mine. It was mine.

How could I be so careless? So stupid?

I wonder how Khalil is. He didn't react how I wanted him to, how I needed him to. He left, he just left, I wish I could've done the same. I wish I could've got up and left just like he did. I wonder if he even cares, if he's affected, or is he going on with regular life.

"How could I be so stupid?" I mumbled looking at my stomach.

"Gis, I'm coming in babes." Nia said knocking. "Poor thing. I brought your homework and stuff."

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"Do you need anything?" she asked me, sitting beside me on my bed.

"No." I said.

"I'm so sorry, Gis. I'm so sorry this happening to you and that you're going through this, I'm sorry."

"The doctor says I was 10 weeks, a baby was inside of me for ten weeks, almost three months and I didn't even know. How could I have not known?" I shook my head. "10 weeks, Nia."

"It's not your fault-"

"It is, don't tell me it's not because it is and I take responsibility for it. I killed my baby and I know that but don't lie to me and say I didn't. I did." I said.

"Giselle you didn't know-"

"I should've known! It's my body and I should've known! I was bleeding I should've went to the hospital, I should've known Nia." I cried. "I killed my baby and I should've known."

"Juicy but you didn't, you didn't know! Nobody knew, don't blame yourself. You didn't know, Giselle." she said but I kept crying. I don't think anything could make me feel better.

"I should've." I sobbed as she wrapped her arms around me.

"But you didn't, and that's okay."

"He hates me." I said.

"Who hates you?"

"Khalil he hates me. He told me to go and I wouldn't listen." I told her. "He blames me."

"You don't know that because because you've blocked everyone out of your life these past two weeks. No ones seen or heard from you and you won't let anyone in, Juicy. I understand, you're hurting, I understand I do. But this bubble you've been in for these two weeks is bringing out the worst in you, you lost your baby I know but it's time to start rebuilding. It's time to start moving forward, I'm not trying to tell you how to mourn but right now you need to think about what's best for you. Don't worry about Khalil right now, worry about you and how you're going to get better. How you're going to move forward."

•

"Ms. Banks nice to have you back with us." I sent a tight lipped smile to the teacher and said nothing.