Jaffar
I was so lucky not to get into an accident on my way home because I was blinded by tears and I couldn't hold it,I can't place name on how I feel right now it hurt more than you can ever imagine
I opened the door of the living room and i met my dad's concentration on the television,I walked up to him,I wasn't thinking right, I'm never thinking right
"Am i that bad dad?"I asked crying badly standing vulnerable
"What happened Jaffar,why are you crying?"my dad wasn't happy to see me in this state,he look worried
"Am I that bad that no one wants me!"I yelled"Am I that bad that everyone that means a lot to me always end up leaving me"I yelled louder
"It's okay son,tell me what's going on"my dad looks frustrated
"I lost mom first,I lost my best friend,I lost you and now I lost the woman I ever really cared for,dad am I that bad that no one wants me?"I asked frustrated,my dad hugged me dragging me closer to himself
"You never loosed me son,you are my son my only son,how can you loose me,you always make think about your mom,how nice she was"
"Mom!"I cried bitterly
If only she was here
"I missed her dad,I missed her so much,I missed her that I regret everyday of my life that I didn't listen her,I'm the worst human on Earth,I deserve no one's love"
"Stop saying rubbish,you are not bad my son,you are my son,you are me I am you,I miss your mom too"
"You do,all you ever do was to bring slut of different types to this house,how did you ever missed her,do you even love her"I said stepping from my dad embrace taking out my anger on him
"What can I do son,when every day and night all I think is your mother,I almost lost it when she died,I don't have the courage to visit her grave because I might end up broken for life,I need distraction and those women are my distraction,I can never marry any other woman apart from your mom,you don't seem to understand me"
"You really miss her?"I asked and my dad nodded letting the tears out,this is the first time I ever see my dad shedding tears,he was always strong and act like he doesn't have emotions but here he is letting the emotions take over him
"I'm sorry dad for everything"I cried more
"It's okay son,I'm finally happy we settle our differences,go and shower and if you like you can join me"
"I want to sleep"my dad nodded and I went inside my room
I showered and lay on my bed remembering everything
Why can't they love me back
Why do the women I love end up loving Fawzan
I'm so messed up
I cried and cried,it really hurts Jamilah's own hurts more than Sewa's,I feel torn and decided to stay away from her,from Fawzan,from love to make myself healthy
Samimah
I slowly went inside my room and surprisedly Jamilah wasn't in the room,I went to the bathroom and took a bath,I wore my pyjamas and took my purse,I went to go to the clinic and buy medicine for the pains I'm feeling
I did that and came back to swallow the medicines,I swallowed the pain reliever and remembered I also purchased the one that will avoid me from being pregnant when dad came inside the room,I hid it immediately
