There are some things that I do enjoy doing and it gets to the point where I do that thing routinely.
Fun things are easy to get into the habit of doing but fear is also a motivator. For the fun part of my day, I loved to read comics. I love to see when characters are happy and enjoying their life with a splash of comic relief here and there. I even like watching shows that update every week. I love the anticipation before the desired event--the way my stomach tingles every time I think of it, and how I try to fill the day with everything I love so it goes faster, and how I sleep with ease.
But I hate when an important event is coming up and I get those same exciting feelings and then... The fear. The anxiety that everything could go completely sideways takes over. Then there are no happy dreams or going to bed with a smile on my face. Deep fears start to boil to the surface and it hardens into depression. With me, depression is like seventy percent anger.
Today, there were things that I didn't enjoy doing that were necessary. I hate packing up boxes full of stuff and putting clothes in black garbage sacks. The entirety of my life force feels like it's being dragged out when I have to fold clothes into a black suitcase. But it's necessary for what I really want to do.
I miss my dad. How much I miss him is more than I ever thought I could. I get angry when people talk bad about him or even think aloud about not letting me see him. I know we've had our rough times but that's what's helped form our relationship. It couldn't just be sunshine and rainbows all the time or else I wouldn't cherish the good memories we've made. Plus, I mean he's my dad. I only get one of those.
The "quest" to get to him is a long one. Needless to say, we're not rich, we're driving to get a cheaper flight and also to see my nephew--if he's even born by then-- and there's going to be a lot of layovers and red-eye flights to get to my Dad.
Gosh, the rest of my life is sure going to take a while. I haven't even fallen in love yet.
YOU ARE READING
Lost Coast
Short StoryI'm not sure what to say here. People go through tough times and all they need to be is heard. ?This book will also include short stories (notice the plural on that story). ?the motivation for myself and anyone who reads it. ?health and cussing. I...
