Undecided

eighteen

I began to take Jeremiah's advice and went to see my old therapist. It was at least $100 per-hour and you definitely had to pay up front.

The reason why I havn't been lately is due to me moving around and finding an apartment that is closer to mom and dad's house. They were beginning to have health problems and I had to come over to see how they were doing.

" It has really been awhile since, I saw you. I thought you were going to someone else at first and I just brushed it off. " I heard Dr. Johnson say.

" No, just a lot has been going on. I've finally got my own apartment, to getting out of an abusive relationship to dating again and getting pregnant. " I told her.

" That's a lot in one year. You look like you're 5 to 6 months pregnant. Do you know what you're having yet? " She asked.

" I'm just 3 months pregnant and it is twins. A boy and girl. " I replied.

" That's rare. You are sure going to have your hands full. Are you excited about it? " She asked me.

" Yes and no. First of all, I'm loving the experience of being pregnant and having family members feel them kick but, I feel like this isn't right. The timing or even, the person I am having them with. " I replied.

" Well, yeah. These are actual human beings were talking about. Whatever you do now is all for them, it isn't about you anymore. You should had took a minute to think how was all of this was going to effect you. " She explained.

" That is what I am thinking about now. I know Jeremiah already is going to be a good father and all because, I see how he is with Bethany. They have a great relationship together. I would much rather have him as my baby daddy then, my ex-boyfriend. " I said.

" Then? " She said for me to further explain.

" Sometimes, I have these weird dreams about the times when I was seeing Hakeem. I don't really talk to him anymore after, I had my first miscarriage and This was back in 1997. " I said.

Flashback

I was sitting in a wheelchair while, one of the nurses pushed me out to the front of the hospital and stood there with me as Hakeem pulled up and got out of the car to help me get in the passenger side of the car.

" Hakeem, give me a minute to get my leg inside. " I told him before he got a chance to close the door.

Once, I got in. I made sure to put the seatbelt on and put my shades back to keep everyone from asking why was I crying. Especially, my parents. I really didn't want to let them know what was going on with me.

" Do you want me to take you back to my place or go back to your house? " Hakeem asked, as we was back on the street driving again.

" Let's just go back to your house for now. I don't really feel like dealing with my parents asking me questions about where I was. " I said.

" When we get back, I want you to just get into the bed and rest. " He told me.

" Hakeem, I just don't understand why.. I did everything you were supposed to do, even went to my classes and took the vitamins. I stopped smoking and drinking but, I still don't know why I miscarried.. " I said.

" Baby, this isn't your fault. It was just something beyond your control and probably the stress from your job and having to meet deadlines from classes did it. " Hakeem said.

" I know but, still this was something I really wanted it and I'm just feeling awful right now. " I said.

" Well, don't feel like that. I told you that, I will always love you no matter what and make sure you're taken care of. Now, we can try again for another baby in the future.. Right now, we need to be focusing on our careers. " He said.

" Oh.. so, we don't need a baby now. You probably didn't even want me to have it because, it would mess up your chances of getting into the NBA. " I rolled my eyes at him and looked outside the window.

" Don't say that. I wanted this just as much as you did. But, you need to realize that a baby can just throw everything off and I don't want that to happen. We aren't ready to raise any kids, we are just 21. " He said.

" Hakeem, just leave me alone please. " I said.

*

11:15

" Alyssa, I know you're busy planning out your wedding and all. Because, I was supposed to help you send out invitions today. But, I had an emergency and had to go to the hospital around 3am. When you get a chance, please call me back. I just really need a close friend that I can talk to. " I said, hoping she would call me back.

*

I cried for the whole day while laying down in the bedroom. I don't know why I am like this, things just didn't used to be so complicated.

" I know you're still upset with me from this morning but, I got you something to eat while I was out just thinking. " Hakeem said.

" Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you that in the car, I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings or anything. But, at the time I was just saying plenty of things that I wouldn't say, it was like I wasn't myself or something. " I said.

" It's fine and I'm sorry too. " We both hugged each other.

Present

" It sounds to me that you need to actually find him and clear up these things that went wrong in your relationship and actually apologize to stop having these dreams. " She said.

" Well, that is why I came to you today. When I was checking my voicemail messages, Hakeem called me telling me, he was experiencing the same thing and saying how he needed to see me again. " I told her.

" Well, technically you're not in a relationship right now. So, it wouldn't be a bad thing for you to visit him. But, just be careful about Jeremiah, he might feel some way about you going to see Hakeem again. " She said.

" I'll try to but, these type of things are never easy. " I said.

🥀

Now, I need some feedback on this chapter.

What do you think is going to happen eventually?

How do you feel about Camille going to see Hakeem?

Should she get back together with Hakeem or not?