Should've Been Me

Public Embarassment

Lela

I can't believe this shit. Once again he has me sitting here looking stupid! How hard is it to keep your dick in your pants? I roll my eyes as notification after notification lights up my phone. The aggravation is too real! It began to ring and Vanessa's picture popped up.

"What's up V?"
"Girl, are you alright?"
"Ye-, well, uh. No. No, I'm not alright."
"Okay sweetie. We'll be there in 30!"
"Bring wine... lots and lots of wine."

I'm at my special place. When I want to hide from the world and just regain peace of mind. I've been finding myself here a lot lately. I'm just tired of it all.

My phone starting ringing once again but this time it was my no-good, two-timing ass, cheating for no damn reason, stupid ass husband. I don't want to talk to him right now. I sat back on my sofa and closed my eyes, trying to drown out the bullshit.

About half an hour later, my doorbell rang. I got up and headed towards the door, opening it. Standing there were my girls. Vanessa, Tina, Vivica, Holly, Simone, Angela, Loretta and Cookie. I sniffed and wiped my tears while chuckling a little as they all held their arms out to me. We hugged as they all walked in, taking their usual spot at my hideaway.

"Girl, I just love this spot!"
"Me too! It's so peaceful!"
"I can't believe he still doesn't know about this place."
"And I hope it stays that way! He's been calling me all day!"
"As he should! The filthy dog!"
"I brought the wine and our favorite..."

We all looked at each other before laughing and yelling...

"Fruschiana's!!!"

Mmm. My girls know how to cheer me up. Fruschiana's may sound ghetto but the food is amazing. We discovered this place about 10 years ago on a drunken night as we comforted another one of our pack. It's been our go-to for gatherings ever since.

"So, what exactly did he have to say?"
"That it was nothing. He says it was the angle and all that happened was that he saw her out there in Italy and they decided to catch up."
"And they just happened to end up half naked by a pool, kissing?"
"Girl, yes. He really thinks I'm slow!"
"What are you going to do?"
"My hands are tied right now. I need more proof before I go to my lawyer."
"He's got two children as proof!"
"Technically, it's that one. The child support one. The other hasn't really been confirmed so I can't move on that."
"Well, that should be enough! What else do they need?"
"I took him back after that child and we went through therapy. My lawyer says in the judge's eyes, bringing that up wouldn't guarantee the best results in my case. Says it'll make me seem like a bitter wife who keeps holding an old mistake over her husband's head, creating a hostile living environment."
"Okay now that's bullshit!"
"I just... Why am I not enough?"

Tears began pouring down my face as I sniffed, trying to hold back the loud sob tickling my throat. Vanessa and Simone both cuddled up to my sides as Viv grabbed my hand and Holly rubbed my back.

"We should go out! Go have a good time while listening to some music!"
"Girl, I can hear Rodney now. He acts like he can't do anything without me."
"It's game night girl!"
"Oh shoot! You're right. Well, I'm down!"
"Guys, I just wanna stay in tonight..."
"No ma'am. Absolutely not. Let's go! I know just the spot!"

I sighed as I got up and went to get dressed. I'd just taken a shower to relax before they came over so I'm good to go. I grabbed my phone and stuck it inside my purse. I looked myself over in the mirror, sighing once again.

Lately, I haven't been feeling like myself. Late last year, my doctor was able to catch a thankfully temporary form of Lupus early on. He told me it came from my long-term use of medication for depression. But even though he caught it early, some of the side effects had already set in. One of the most noticeable ones: weight gain.

"Come on Lele! We got drinks to kill babygirl!"

I chuckled as I headed out. I followed them out the door, making sure everything was turned off and in place. I probably won't come back here tonight. I'll be heading to the house I share with my family so I'll be there when the kids get home in the morning. Their grandma thankfully offered to take them for a few days.

We piled inside Cookie's truck. She had a special made one that is huge, mostly due to Magic's height. I sat in the back beside Holly and Loretta. I listened as they both chatted with their husbands and it made me feel even more lonely. Most of the time, Antoine isn't even home for me to tell him my whereabouts. And even when he's home, he's always out. I sighed as I tried to turn my focus elsewhere.

"Lee, you good boo?"
"Yeah Viv, I'm good."
"Okay. Just checking. Cause you know me, I'm down for anything. We can go kick his ass."
"Vi, there you go again! We are not going to touch that man! Let a dog be a dog in peace. He'll get what's coming to him."

I heard several mumbles, agreeing with Vanessa. I sat back in the seat as I once again felt my phone vibrate like crazy. I closed my eyes and prayed for it to stop. I know I should probably turn it off but I wanted to keep it on, just in case I got a call from one of my babies.

We pulled up at an unfamiliar bar but it looked amazing. I told myself that I will have fun tonight.