bellflower estate | namjoon x bts

↳four

CHAPTER FOUR
hot chocolate

namjoon sat between chan and wonho at the dining room table, his eyes trained on the large bowl of thick broth, small chucks of celery and carrot, and noodles in front of him. he could hear the animated chatter as five of his new guardians (that had all made it home and introduced themselves before dinner) and his bodyguards spoke amongst themselves. but he wasn't paying attention and he couldn't eat, his appetite long gone.

he couldn't stop thinking about jooheon. how he was all alone wherever he was, probably being tortured or worse, and namjoon wasn't doing anything to help him. the guilt ate away at him, and though he'd been reassured multiple times that jungkook would bring him home, he couldn't help the worried butterflies flapping around in the pit of his stomach.

jooheon needs me.

he needs me.

but what could namjoon do? he wasn't allowed out of the house — that point was made plenty clear earlier — and he had no idea where jooheon was. namjoon didn't know how many people were guarding him, if any, and he couldn't just charge in guns blazing.

then namjoon began to wonder how jungkook would save jooheon. though he hadn't heard much about the elite team, they were called 'elite' for a reason, and so the more sensible half of namjoon's brain told him to trust his new guardians. but what if jungkook failed? what if he came back without jooheon? what if he came back injured?

what if he died?

what if... what if he brought back the news that jooheon was dead?

what would namjoon do then?

namjoon felt his heart rate increase and his chest tighten. he lifted a trembling hand to claw at his constricting throat and the other reached for chan's sleeve, his sweaty palm wrapping around chan's forearm.

chan halted his conversation with jackson and glanced down at namjoon, a brow raised, but when he realized the state the latter was in, his eyes widened. ignoring the odd looks from the others at the table, he pushed out his chair and carefully picked up namjoon's lanky body, carrying namjoon out of the room. he set namjoon down on the couch, and spoke in a calm, soothing voice.

this was something he was used to, and knew how to handle.

"namjoon," he started, rubbing a comforting hand across the back of namjoon's forearm. "you're having a panic attack, joon. i need you to focus on me."

namjoon's brain barely retained the words but he glanced up from his lap, glossy, frantic eyes locking onto chan's "deep breaths joonie... take deep breaths. in... out... in...out. just focus on me, and take deep breaths."

eventually, when namjoon had calmed down enough, and collapsed into chan's arms, sobbing into his shoulder, chan scratched his dull nails up and down the expanse of namjoon's clothed back, sighing. "are you okay now?"

namjoon simply shrugged, and when chan noticed a head of brown hair out of the corner of his eyes, he decided to take namjoon somewhere more private.

and so he carried namjoon up to his room and set him down on the bed. namjoon felt the mattress dip beside him as chan sat down, then felt the comforting, familiar caress of chan's fingers carding through his hair.

chan was almost always the one to help namjoon with his panic/anxiety attacks, and namjoon hated it. he hated that he couldn't handle them himself. he hated that he even got them in the first place. "...'m sorry, hyungie. i... i couldn't help it."

chan frowned, and let his hand fall to his side. "it's fine, namjoon. it's not your fault." he stared at namjoon's profile, eyeing his splotchy red skin and tear-stained cheeks. "do you want to talk about it?"

namjoon sucked in a shaky breath, glaring up at the ceiling as he tried to hold back the last of his tears. "it's just... jooheon he... hyung, there's so many 'what if's' running through my head. "what if jungkook can't save him?" "what if things just end up worse than before?" "what if it's too late?"" namjoon sniffled. "i hate sitting here and doing nothing. i can't just depend on someone else to save my friend. channie, i should be out there trying to find him.

"sitting here and doing nothing... it's killing me."

chan stared at him for a moment, then looked down to the ground, a heavy sigh leaving his lips. "i understand, joonie. i want to help him too, and i'm itching to get out there and track him down. but... this is for your own safety, and if we let you out there, your safety is compromised."

"why should my safety matter more than jooheon's? just cause i'm the fucking heir?" namjoon spat the last word with venom. no matter how excited he was to take over his father's position one day, namjoon hated how he was put above all the others because of his status.

before chan could speak, there was a quiet knock on the door, and seconds later, a head poked inside the room, belonging than none other than kim taehyung. "may i come in? i brought hot chocolate. and before you ask, hana made it. i would have probably somehow set the kitchen on fire."

namjoon quickly wiped at his runny nose and beneath his eyes, choking out a stuffy "yeah, come in."

taehyung smiled slightly and pushed the door in the rest of the way, carrying in a tray with three green mugs of hot chocolate and mountains of whipped cream on top of it. he gently kicked the door closed behind him, then set the tray down on namjoon's nightstand. he gave a mug to namjoon and chan, then grabbed one for himself.

when he sat down on namjoon's other side, the atmosphere was tense.

until he asked, "it was a panic attack, correct?"

namjoon nodded.

chan decided to stay out of the conversation unless he needed to intervene.

taehyung hummed, licking off the whipped cream. "i don't have much experience with panic attacks, but i had a friend once... i don't remember his name." taehyung. rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and the corner of namjoon's lips curled upward. "but i was with him once after he had one, and he asked for a mug of hot chocolate. i know not everyone copes the same way, but it's hot chocolate, so i figured you wouldn't mind."

namjoon smiled and whispered a small, "thank you, hyung."

taehyung gazed down at him warmly, then stood, ruffled namjoon's hair, and sauntered toward the door. "you're welcome. just let us know if you need anything."

with that, taehyung left the room.

and namjoon realized that, if only for a brief moment, he'd forgotten about jooheon.

and he felt horrible all over again.

⌲

a/n;
before anyone asks, everything between chan/wonho/jackson/jooheon and joon is completely platonic. the only romance with namjoon is between him and the rest of bts.