bellflower estate | namjoon x bts

↳ten

CHAPTER TEN
everyone hurt

wonho was the first to enter jooheon's room. when he came out fifteen minutes later, he was pale and distant — it was as if he'd seen a ghost, and in many ways, he had. he couldn't look anyone in the eyes, and didn't break down into sobs until chan pulled him into his arms, cradling his face into his neck. namjoon had only ever seen wonho cry once, at his parents funeral.

it made namjoon wonder what exactly he would find behind the door that separated his best friend from the rest of the world.

jackson stepped up beside namjoon, resting a hand on his shoulder in silent support. "you ready to go in?" he asked quietly.

namjoon let out a dry laugh. what a stupid question. "why would i be ready?" he spat, then lowered his voice so only jackson could hear him. "this whole thing is my fault. had i not been born, jooheon wouldn't be paralyzed. wonho wouldn't be breaking down. it's all my fault."

he saw jackson shake his head out of the corner of his eye. "he won't see it that way. trust me, joonie. you know he won't."

namjoon locked eyes with him, and jackson was surprised to find the lack of emotion in his gaze while his voice sounded so broken. "but i can't help but see it that way."

jackson pursed his lips into a thin line, his gaze shifting toward the door. jooheon's name was written on a tag taped to the center of the door. "the only thing that matters right now is that he's alive. we'll deal with the rest later."

"but—"

"no. you're gonna open the door and sit down next to his bed and you're gonna talk to him. don't treat him any different than you usually do. don't make him feel like an alien. you got it?"

"i—i got it," namjoon nodded, sucking in a shaky breath before stepping up to the door. time seemed to slow down as he twisted the door knob and pushed the heavy door inward, and then completely stop when his eyes landed on jooheon in his hospital bed.

his eyes were closed. but when he opened them and saw namjoon standing there in the open doorway, a bright grin lit up his pale, sunken face. "joonie! i was wondering when you were gonna join the party. wonho told me you were gonna come in and visit me next."

namjoon tried to ignore all of the deformities on his face and bandages on his body as he closed the door and moved further into the room. "yeah, i was... in the bathroom. sorry to keep you waiting for me."

jooheon looked like he attempted a nonchalant shoulder shrug, but then stopped short and recoiled in pain. "ow." his voice was bland, as if it didn't really hurt and was just acting like it did. he sighed, a small smile on his chapped lips. "no biggie. c'mere and sit down." he slowly turned his head to the side, gesturing with his chin toward the chair pulled up to his bedside.

namjoon reluctantly did so, jackson's words resonating through his mind. "so how are you feeling?"

jooheon frowned a bit. "like i got hit by a truck, honestly. but hey, at least i'll have some cool stories to tell. and don't worry, i didn't give them any information about us. each time they asked i came up with a new insult. i had a lot of time to think of some creative one, too. there wasn't much else to do when they weren't whaling on me—"

namjoon interrupted him, the guilt eating away at his insides. "did... did anyone explain why they took you?"

jooheon's smile was sad. sympathetic. namjoon didn't deserve a smile like that. "they did. and i know you, joonie. you're blaming yourself right now. am i right? i'm pretty sure i'm right."

namjoon averted his eyes.

another sigh. "i knew it. namjoon, look at me." namjoon looked at him. "i don't blame you. if anyone's to blame —i'm sorry— but it's your father and your asshole brothers." jooheon's eyes widened when he realized what was said. "please don't tell anyone i said that. your dad'll kill me."

namjoon scoffed. "no he won't."

jooheon nodded. "you're right. he'd take pity on me because it's his fault i'm paralyzed." jooheon burst into laughter at the affronted look on namjoon's face. "i'm actually not that affected by it; now i can guilt jackson into waiting on me, hand and foot."

namjoon knew he wasn't okay. he knew jooheon was just covering up all of his hurt to make namjoon feel better. "don't lie to me, hyung. don't tell me you're okay when i know you're not. it's okay for you to not be fine."

and for the first time, namjoon was the one comforting jooheon as he cried.

namjoon hated it; he hated seeing his hyung in pain.

as namjoon's shirt was soiled with tears and snot, he vowed to find his brothers, and kill them. for jooheon, for his mother, and for everyone else they ever hurt.

a/n;
the romance is coming soon, i promise. but we gotta get through this stuff first.