Harry sighed. The other Gryffindors were in the common room, celebrating their Quidditch win against Slytherin. Harry had told them he wanted a bit of a walk before bed and had made his way to sit by the lake. It had been five months since Sirius fell into the veil, and he still missed him as if it had happened yesterday. He was tired and angry and frustrated. All he wanted was for this war to be over before anyone else he dared care about died. He sighed again, the wind tousling his already messy black hair.
“Oi, Harry!”
Harry turned. Ron, his Quidditch robes flapping in the wind, hurried toward him, clutching a piece of parchment. Hermione followed close behind him.
“My dad wrote back,” Ron said, waving the parchment. “Apparently it wasn't an attempted escape at Azkaban, just a load of nutters who say they’re pirates.”
“Well, actually, Ron, there’s a little bit more to it than that. Harry, Mr. Weasley said that they aren’t even from here,” Hermione corrected, her pretty face flushed in excitement.
Harry frowned. “What do you mean, ‘not from here’?”
“They believe they are from a different…world, I suppose.”
“Like…aliens?” Harry had a vision of one-eyed green pirates taking over the Ministry.
“No, Harry. Do you remember that essay we had to do on the seventeen theories of cross-dimension particles and…”
Harry’s eyes glazed over. Ron drooled.
Hermione huffed. “Anyway, Mr. Weasley says Professor Dumbledore believes they can help the Order.”
Harry snapped back to attention. “Help the Order? Is he mad? How can a bunch of alien pirate nutters help the Order?”
Hermione shrugged. “I’m not really too sure on his reasoning myself. But we could use all the help we can get!”
Harry was silent for a moment, thinking this over as the wind chilled him to the bone. Finally, shaking his head and muttering about how the “Bloody world's gone mad”, he beckoned toward Ron and Hermione to follow him back to the castle. ***
“No.”
Molly Weasley faced Albus Dumbledore, arms crossed. Dumbledore sighed.
“Molly, please. It’s very temporary, until the Ministry is doing sorting out Sirius’s will and Grimmauld Place is available. Then we can move them there.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Molly…”
The Weasley matron threw her hands up in the air. “Albus, have you seen them? Have you SMELLED them? I raised six boys, and I thought nothing could be worse than that! I was wrong!”
Jack Sparrow sauntered over, rum in hand. Dumbledore looked at him, eyes twinkling.
“Jack, this is Molly Weasley. Molly, this is Jack Sparrow.”
“Captain Jack Sparrow,” Jack drawled, kissing Molly’s hand. “A pleasure to meet someone as vibrant and impeccably lovely as yourself.”
Two bright pink spots appeared on Molly’s cheeks. She tittered, hands fluttering.
“Oh well, thank you. That's very kind. You are a very kind man. Quite nice. Yes. Well. You must be absolutely exhausted, after your traveling. Why don’t we…”
She was interrupted by a CRASH! They looked over.
The garden gnomes had waged war on the pirates, who were running around shrieking, waving their swords. Two pirates had managed to climb atop the chicken shed and another was cowering in the corner of the garden, surrounded by a gaggle of gnomes.
While Molly stared, open-mouthed, she felt her wand, which she was holding loosely by her side, slip out of her hand. Mouth still open, she looked down at Jack the monkey.
“Eep,” the monkey said, scurrying off toward the gnomes, sporadically waving the wand and jumping up and down. Colorful sparks flew from the tip of it, turning the chicken shed into a turnip. Squealing, the pirates who were perched on top of it ran for cover. The monkey stared at the wand and then shook it again.
Blue sparks flashed and the garden wall began to sing a lovely rendition of "God Save Ye Merry Hippogriffs".
Orange sparks and a gnome levitated off the ground, spinning in circles.
Green sparks and another gnome grew to the size of a Saint Bernard. The pirates squealed again. Cotton’s parrot took off.
“Awk! aAbandon ship!”
Molly turned to Dumbledore, mouth still open.
Purple sparks and she fell backwards, eyes darting wildly around.
“Huh,” Jack the captain said, looking at the monkey with interest. “I’ve got to get me one of those.”
Dumbledore sighed before pulling out his own wand and setting the yard back in order. He removed the Body Bind curse and helped Molly to her feet, then turned and walked over to the monkey, who was using the wand to scratch his back. He gently took the wand from him and walked back over the Molly, handing it to her. The monkey gave him the finger. Molly stared at him.
“No.”
YOU ARE READING
Maelstrom of Destiny
FantasyA parody of what might happen if the cast of Pirates of the Caribbean were to sail into Harry Potter's magical Britain. Short and humorous.
