Harry was right. Holidays at Grimmauld Place were quite interesting. They had started when Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks picked up Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Ginny, and Hermione from Platform 9 ¾. They had taken a portkey to the old Black estate. As much as they had talked about the pirates, speculating on what they would be like, they still weren’t prepared for what they found.
A hassled looking Molly Weasley greeted them at the door, hugging and kissing them. Ushering them inside, Harry noticed she looked a bit…peaky. He soon saw why.
At the sound of them coming through the front door, the enchanted portrait of Sirius’s mum began shrieking angrily, causing an ear-splitting din. This caused someone to throw and empty bottle at it, which in turn caused Mrs. Black to scream louder. Mrs. Weasley wearily pulled out her wand and cast a silencing charm at the portrait before leading them to the kitchen. The first thing Harry noticed was chaos.
He had seen pictures of pirates in some of Dudley’s old picture books, and he was startled by how accurate they were. The room was full of men wearing loose trousers, open white shirts (at least he thought they once might have been white), and leather belts with glittering swords hanging from them. One even had a parrot on his shoulder!
“Bloody hell,” Ron breathed.
Lupin put a hand on Harry’s shoulder and cleared his throat. “If I may have your attention, everyone.” The room fell quiet. “This is Harry Potter.” The pirates stared at him, and Harry shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly, one pushed through the crowd to approach him.
Harry stared. The pirate had long black beaded dreadlocks, skin baked brown from the sun, and dark-rimmed eyes. He smiled, flashing brilliant white teeth with a hint of gold.
“So yer the one everyone’s talking about, eh?” he said. “I’m Captain Jack Sparrow, and this here is my motley crew.”
“Er, pleased to meet you,” Harry said.
Fred and George looked awed. “Nice, beard, mate.”
The pirate glanced at them and then did a double take. He held up his hand and peered in the half-filled bottle of rum he held. “I’m seeing double and I’m not even through with me first bottle…now this is what I call a party!”
His attention fell on Hermione and Ginny, who stood a bit behind the boys. He grinned roguishly. “Well, well,” he purred. “And who might these lovely creatures be?” He reached out and took Ginny’s hand, brushing it with his lips. Ginny turned bright red, eyes filled with adoration. Ron choked.
“I’m Hermione Granger, sir, and this is Ginny Weasley,” Hermione spoke up.
Jack shifted his attention to her. “You don’t say,” he murmured, his dark eyes raking over her body.
Hermione shivered, and Jack grinned lopsidedly. “This will be quite fun, indeed.”
Harry felt something grab onto his leg. Looking down, he saw was startled to find a monkey peering up at him with an expression much like Ginny Weasley’s at the moment.
“Wha…?”
The pirate looked over. “Oh, that bloody little bugger is Jack.”
“Eep,” the monkey said, scrambling up Harry’s leg and swinging onto his shoulder.
“Aww!” Ginny and Hermione both cried, stroking a very pleased looking primate.
“He’s so cute!” Hermione gushed.
“Look at his little nose! And his tiny, clever hands! Oh, who’s a handsome boy?” Ginny cooed.
Jack Sparrow pouted. “I didn’t get that reaction.”
Harry tried pushing the monkey off him. The monkey wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck. Harry sighed.
“Dinner!”***
The rest of the holiday passed in a blur, until it was finally Christmas.
Harry and Ron and Jack the monkey awoke to find presents piled neatly in their room.
Harry received a dragonhide journal from Hermione, Quidditch cards from Ron, a lumpy violet sweater from Mrs. Weasley, a singing hairbrush from Ginny, joke products from the twins, and candy from Tonks and Lupin.
Jack the monkey received a matching violet sweater. Harry sighed.
Christmas dinner was loud and chaotic. The pirates drank and sang and spilled food everywhere. Tonks entertained them by changing her appearances to match theirs. Ginny and Hermione conversed in quiet whispers, stealing glances at Jack. Fred and George started a loud rendition of “A Pirate’s Life for Me” followed by “Jingle Bells” and charmed the silverware to sing along. Harry could have sworn he saw Molly Weasley take a swig from a rather burly pirate’s rum bottle. A few other pirates amused themselves by throwing darts at Kreacher the house-elf, eliciting a loud scolding from Hermione.
At half past eleven, Ron nudged him. “What do you say we head upstairs?”
Harry nodded, standing up.
“Er, you may want to leave your friend behind…”
Harry sighed. “I can’t get him off. Can you?”
Ron reached for the monkey, which promptly bared its teeth at him.
“On second thought, let’s just bring him with us.”
Harry sighed again as they made their way to the room they were sharing.
“It’s different here, without Sirius.”
Ron patted him sympathetically. “Yeah, it is.”
Both boys were quiet for a moment.
“So,” Ron said. “Pirates, eh?”
Harry shook his head. “I think Dumbledore’s finally gone ‘round the bend. There is no way those…people can help us defeat Voldemort. I don’t think they are even magical.”
Ron nodded in agreement. “He’s absolutely nutters.”
“Sirius would have loved them, though.”
Ron grinned. “Yeah, he would have. Did you see mum with that rum?”
Harry nodded, laughing. “Yeah.”
They got quiet again.
“Hermione and Ginny seemed to like them, eh?”
“Yeah…”
“But they wouldn’t…that Jack bloke is so…old…right?”
“Right,” Harry agreed, feeling none too sure himself. He frowned at the memory of Ginny watching the pirate captain all night, stars in her eyes.
“Eep,” the monkey said, patting Harry’s head sympathetically.
The next morning dawned in silence. Most occupants of the house were hung-over and passed out. Harry yawned. The monkey was asleep on his pillow, sucking its thumb. He got up quietly and padded to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he was making his way back down the hallway to his room when a door opened up and a very disheveled Hermione Granger slipped out. Harry stared.
“Oh!” Hermione said, cheeks pink. “Er, good morning Harry! You’re up quite early!”
Harry stared.
“Um, well, I’m just going…to…homework! I have homework to do. Yes. So, er, Harry, I’ll see you later.” She hurried away as Captain Jack Sparrow stepped from the room she had just exited, shirtless and yawning.
Harry stared.
Jack looked at him and grinned.
“And that’s how you do it, me boy.”
Harry stared.
YOU ARE READING
Maelstrom of Destiny
FantasyA parody of what might happen if the cast of Pirates of the Caribbean were to sail into Harry Potter's magical Britain. Short and humorous.
