The Lone Shrine Maiden's Wish

Chapter 10: Worthy of Love

Author's Note: Here we go again

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The lone shrine maiden laid awake on her back, snug in bed but her mind uncomfortably wandering between thoughts she deems unsuitable, or just bad.

And because they all involve Yukari.

Reimu put a hand on her forehead and sighed, throwing the covers off to the side and sitting up. She felt warm in the chest and squeamish. As well, she sat on the edge of the bed and hung her head in her hands.

"She won't leave my mind...all I think about is Yukari now..."

The past week or so of actions from Yukari have left its mark in Reimu's mind. The acts of kindness, the attempts to get her friends, just going out of her way to show her kindness. Reimu's heart ached for that companionship. It clung to the idea that Yukari cared for her, to have someone care for her.

The grip on her hair tightened.

"Why...why do I like it so much...?" To depend on someone for happiness felt so off to Reimu, as if she didn't deserve it. What did she do to deserve Yukari? Just lounge around and be sad...

That's what Reimu thought of it, anyway.

She got up and moved to the front porch, staring up at the glittering night sky.

Like a whirl-pool of pretty blue and twinkling white, the stars and the sky appeared like a painting. Sprinkled with little stars and the small glow of space behind it. Far, far away from Earth, Reimu could just see the moon, a staunch guardian of the night sky. The unchanging guardian of the Earth. It was beautiful, such a portrait that could be so perfectly captured onto a painting, if Reimu was any good at that.

But all she could really do is stare. And think about sharing the moment with Yukari.

There it was again, thinking about Yukari. Reimu sighed to herself, catching herself in the act and treating it as if it was a bad thing.

"...God..." She sighed in a depressive way. "I just...I just want to touch her." Reimu nearly blurted, covering her mouth, panicking. But no one was around to hear, so she let out a sigh of relief.

"Not...touch that way, but like...hug her. I want to be in her arms again...to hold her to sleep..." The comfort Reimu got from imagining Yukari in the bed with her, holding her tightly, protecting her and keeping her safe...

"I want to kiss her too..." 

The amount of times Reimu's mind has gone to kissing Yukari is uncountable by now. all throughout the visit to the Scarlet Devil Mansion was filled with times Yukari's lips were pressed against Reimu's, in her mind. She hated how she thought of such things, how she wanted it so badly. But kept denying herself the thoughts.

"I don't...deserve it. She's acting nice because she hates seeing me sad, that's all."

Arguing with her own brain would be a losing case, however.

"..." Reimu took in a deep breath. "...What if she likes me back the same way...?"

Saying those words caused Reimu's heart to speed up slightly, and she put her hand over her heart.

"She has so many better choices, though. Like, I'm just a lonely shrine maiden that does nothing all day, and she's basically one of the strongest Youkai to ever live. Why would she be interested in someone like me? She'd outlive me..." That part wasn't conjecture though, Yukari has lived for thousands of years, Reimu's short human lifespan is nothing special.

"What could she even see in me...I'm a mess that dresses the same everyday..."

At this point, Reimu was just looking for excuses to deflect any feelings she had, but her heart wouldn't stop. It kept beating wildly for Yukari. It wanted that care, that love. And the heart knows better than Reimu's depressed self.