I'll Meet You There

Chapter twelve

Remember that state of mind cal had been in? The spacey blanked out disassociated state of mind? Well that was his life for the next four months. He felt empty. Like he had tried so hard for things just not to work and now nothing mattered anymore. I think it's called depression?

There were two things getting cal through life this time around; Booz and heroin.....heroin and Booz.

Cal was out on a trip to buy more alcoholic drinks to keep him from going crazy. He got in line, bought his drinks, and walked outside. Then he heard it. That bittersweet as wine voice that he had shoved into the back of his memory.

"Calum.." he slowly turned around and saw hazel, her hair short now and her eyes looking tired but happy. He also saw Issac, who was just a little bit taller.

"Hazel..."

She cracked what could have maybe been a smile? "I was wondering....Issacs birthday is next week and we're having a party? Wanna come?? I'm sure he'd love it if you were there, wouldn't you buddy??" Issac hid behind his moms legs looking down. "I-I'm sure he would...please come..."

Cal lit a cigarette and held it up to his lips. "Sure."

"You don't sound excited about it...." she frowned.

"I am..."

She looked down at Issac who was hiding away from Calum. "He missed you."

"Clearly." Calum smoked.

"He did." She sighed. "He's just scared you'll leave again."

"I- I didn't leave!"

"You never tried to come back."

"How could I? I was blocked on everything!"

She looked down "you mom said you hated me..."

"I hated the way you made me feel..."

She put her hand on his arm and cal felt those incredibly familiar tingles all over again. "Come to the party if you want, we won't make you." Cal nodded and turned to walk away. Hazel spoke again, "w-wanna come to my place.....?"

He stopped and turned around. "Why??"

"You...could help decorate or make treats...."

"Oh...alright..." cal agreed. He quickly went and put all the Booz he had got in his car and then joined hazel and Issac in their car and they all went to hazels house.

When they got there hazel let issac go up to his room and she started baking a cake.

"Come help me."

"I-I can't bake."

"We'll do it together!" She smiled sweetly and held out her hand which cal took. She pulled him over to the counter and poured some ingredients into a bowl and cal mixed them while she got the wet ingredients together. "It's just like when we used to bake in high school."

Everything came flooding back to Calum and he stopped mixing.

He broke down.

He sobbed while hazel hugged and tried to console him. All the things he wanted for his future were trash. Instead he was broke, friendless, alone, depressed and addicted to heroin....this wasn't how anything was supposed to go. This was absolute garbage.

"I-I wish things were different!" He sobbed. Haze rubbed his back while they sat together on the kitchen floor.

"What do you wish was different?"

He moved himself away from hazel. He wasn't exactly happy with the way things had gone and to be completely honest he blamed her...

"I wish you never left me!! None of this would be happening if you'd stayed!! I was begging!" He cried harder. "I was pleading and you didn't care a bit!!!"

She frowned. "It wasn't easy...but our love wasn't healthy Calum and you knew, and still know, that."

"You didn't care and look how SHIT my life turned out!!!!"

Hazel pulled him close again and laid his head on her shoulder. "Your life isn't shit."

"I can't stop drinking and I'm addicted to HEROIN! Ofc it's shit!!!!!"

"Okay shhh cal....it's issacs birthday party tomorrow and you're gonna be there and watch him open all his presents." She smiled softly and wiped cals tears.

"It's not the same!"

"We're gonna have a great time."

Cal was still upset tho and maybe it was the drugs talking but he wanted to yell. So he did "I WANTED TO BE THERE WHEN YOU HAD A BABY! I WANTED TO BE STANDING BEHIND YOU WHILE YOU MADE HIS CAKE!" He took a deep breath and tried to calm down but it didn't work too well...not until he said this last thing; "I WANTED TO BE MARRIED!!"

Hazel flinched and backed up a little. Calum apologized and apologized and hazel said it was all okay. "Come on we have a cake to bake." She didn't stop smiling tho. Calum missed how she could ignore bad things when it mattered. And it hit him that all the times she walked away was because he mattered to her. He mattered to hazel and that's why she left. She didn't wanna think about him in the ways that were bad so she left before they were the only things she could remember. She could ignore bad things when it mattered but she was good at taking care of herself. Calum missed her. He missed cuddling and telling her he loved her. He missed holding her hand and he missed the way she smelled. He missed her voice and running his fingers through her hair. He missed listening to her sing in the shower and he wondered if she still did. It was always the same song 'it's my party and I'll cry if I want to' he wondered if she still held her breath when she cried and it made him sad that she didn't have anyone to remind her to breathe. He wondered if she still couldn't say the word 'cinnamon' no matter how hard she tried. He wondered if she still made the bed every single night before she got in it.

And he wondered if she missed him the same way he missed her.

So he got behind her and wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and he closed his eyes and he imagined he'd been there the whole time. He imagined that everything was perfectly fine.

And for a few minutes he believed it. For a few minutes everything was okay