I'll Meet You There

Chapter eleven

The next morning hazel came and got Issac from cals. They decided to go out for lunch that day the three of them. It was quite nice. They all ordered milkshakes and chicken nuggets and they talked and laughed. Cal had a moment in the bathroom after upsetting Issac and then thinking he was a horrible dad....he was a dad....those words didn't feel real. Did he truly feel like issacs dad? In all honesty he didn't. It felt fake and forced but hey he was trying really hard wasn't he?

That night Calum spent the night with hazel at her house. They cuddled in bed and talked.

"I'm sorry for everything..." cal apologized. Hazel said she was also sorry for everything between them and they the conversation turned to Issac.

"Do you love him?"

Cal avoided the question in which he wasn't ready to answer "how did you even get pregnant?"

"There was a very small rare chance that I would get pregnant let alone deliver our baby. He's such a miracle....do you love him."

"I do..." Hazel nodded and put her hands on cals chest. "I should have been there..."

"You're here now aren't ya." She giggled and cal could have cried, he missed that sound so goddamn much

"It's too late....it's too late to feel like I'm truly a part of it all..." cal sighed

"He loves being around you Calum. You can still be his dad if you stick around long enough to do it."

"I don't feel like his dad."

"Give it time."

"I should tell you what happened...with my niece..." oh god. How was he supposed to explain that he had been simply holding his 3 week old niece and dropped her causing her to bleed into her Bain until she died.....

"Hey..." She cupped his cheeks. "Don't mention it. But Issac needs your more than you know....a-and I need you too..."

"Just don't leave me alone with him..."

"You'll be okay."

"Just please don't."

She sighed. "Okay.."

"I'm sorry..." he held her close afraid she would leave again. Sorrys always lead to goodbyes it seemed like.

"Baby it's alright I understand."

They cuddled all night but Calum didn't really sleep. There was way to much to think about. He didn't wanna let hazel get away again. Not again. It had happened too many times and it was hard. Each time was harder. The first time hurt worse than dying and each time she left it was somehow worse than that.

The next week went by pretty uneventful. Cal watched Issac once while hazel worked a late night shift and other than that they were busy with their lives. They weren't on bad terms. Yet.

Friday night Calum spent the night with hazel and Issac again and Saturday they planned on going to the zoo. Cal had read Issac a book a few days ago about alligators and how they were around when the dinosaurs were and ever since he's been begging to go see them.

They got up and ate. And then Issac wanted to be held. By Calum.

"Issac I can't bud..."

He whined "pleeaseeee."

"I can't..." hazel walked over and picked up Issac and handed him to cal. "No hazel...." she got his hands and positioned them to hold Issac. "Please no..."

Hazel sighed and picked Issac up.

Everyone got ready but Calum found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror. Hazel knocked on the door about 15 minutes later.

"Cal? You ready?"

Cal looked around and realized he was standing there in his boxers and his clothes were in hazels room. Something about everything was just hard and it was easy to slip into this blanked out mindset. The last month or so it had been happening. This spacy blanked out mind where hours would pass and he wouldn't care. It was like not many things mattered. He didn't want it to happen as it was incredibly inconvenient but it was happening. Oh well. Wasn't someone talking to him? Oh!

"Uh....y-yeah I'll be done I-in a second I'm almost ready!"

"Please hurry up....there will be traffic." Hazels voice was sweet and calming but Calum only felt tears sting his eyes.

"I know! I know we will! Just give me a minute!" Hazel opened the door and looked at him sympathetically. "I-I'm almost ready...."

She frowned. "Where's your clothes, love?"

"U-upstairs..." cal sniffled and looked at his feet. What was this mood...what was this sinking feeling. What was going on with him. Whatever. They were gonna go to the zoo and have a good time. Just him, Hazey and Issac!

"I'll go get them and then we can leave. How does that sound??" Cal nodded and hazel went and got his clothes. He changed and soon they were on their way to the zoo.

The first animal they looked at was the monkeys. Issac enjoyed looking at them and making noises at them. They hit the tigers, elephants, aquarium and then the alligators before everyone got kinda hungry. Sandwiches sounded good to everyone, in the words of Issac "BREAD AND CHEESEY!" Meaning he fancied a cheese sandwich.

They got lunch and then Issac, with his new found burst of energy, jumped around and yelled and acted as you'd expect a one and a half year old boy to act. But unfortunately as a one and a half year old boy he was a bit accident prone and ended up tripping and falling on his poor little face.

Hazel ran over and picked him up and he just pointed to Calum. Calum sat down and held him on his lap for a while and pretty soon he ended up falling asleep so It was a good thing they brought the stroller. They put Issac in the stroller and then they walked around and talked and just had a good time.

They sat down eventually on a bench and talked. Hazel kissed cals cheek and cal smiled and then she asked;

Why don't you ever show me affection?"

"Huh?" Cal asked

"You never kiss me in public or anything...."

"Sorry....I didn't know we were doing that."

"But I kiss you all the time...I kiss your cheek all the time..."

"You never said you wanted me to."

"I didn't think I had to...."

"I just don't know what we are..."

"Well...."she looked into his eyes. "What do you wanna be?"

"Way to put me on the spot..." Calum didn't exactly know how to answer that. I mean....he liked, no, he loved hazel, but if they became a thing they would probably just fall out again. He liked what they had now. It was good. What they had right now was nearly perfect.

"I wanna be with you...I wanna try again..." she looked at cal with hopeful eyes. Oh god how he wanted to say yes. He wanted to say be mine. He wanted to say marry me. But....

"Hazel....I've missed you and I'm so glad your back but....but i don't know if I'm ready for a relationship again..." she looked down. "I'm sorry..."

"N-no...I-I'll be right back...." hazel stood up and rushed over to the toilets and cal sighed. Why did they have to be more? Why couldn't things just be okay now exactly the way they were. This was working.

Just then Issac woke up and looked around and asked where his mom was.

"She'll be right back..." cal answered. And then hazel came back only to announce that her and Issac were going and she rushed off without another word.

"Well there goes my ride...." Calum said to himself. Actually this time didn't feel so shattering. Not so much like glass and more like a papercut. It stung so bad but he knew exactly why and where and how deep the wound was making it sting a little less. Still not good. But less.

A phone call the next day confirmed that hazel was in fact tired of this whole thing.

Cal tried to explain

But hazel was over it. Understandably so....but just because you understand something doesn't mean it hurts any less